Tag Archives: womans wisdom

Coming Home.

17 May

I often find myself completely ego-absorbed – driven to produce, create, take action… make stuff happen. I am great at ‘doing’.  Out of the necessity to find balance, I have inadvertently become great at inner stillness. Sitting. Contemplating. Absorbing. Processing. Imagining. Allowing my separated soul and body time to sit face to face, hand in hand and catch up with each other, blending back together.  Time to become whole; become One.

When I need to act, my action is balanced; centered, coming from harmony. From here, intuition, a sense of rightness and my feelings help shape and inform my proven ability and delight in taking action. Action now imbued with a sense of possibility, wonder, delight, adventure, and hope. So much different from the good old days, where my heavily armored ego, trotted off on its own, busily weighing up its narrow and self-obsessed options of fight or flight.

I applaud and commend my ego – all these years it has fought the battles for me, engaged, retreated, always ready, never complaining about the poor nourishment or dismal conditions it suffered through.  I thank you. I release you.

I imagine two thrones – one for my ego, where it now sits, resplendent in its strength, honor, and might. A beautiful, proud warrior. A warrior who has little use for armor or weaponry. A warrior skilled in the hard-won arts of diplomacy, compassion, poetry and self-love. Passionate. Alive. Whole.

The second throne occupied by the Queenly counterpart to this Warrior King- nurturing, encompassing, soothing, allowing. restoring. Cool water on a hot day. The Queen, my inner feminine, the ground of being on which my inner masculine acts. Reunited with her lover/husband. Wildly passionate, years of waiting collapse into this moment/ every moment. Fueling new life. New hope. New possibilities.

I intend a metaphor that allows me to express the feeling of my masculine and feminine natures functioning as one, as an equality, as a harmony. This does not mean that I do not fight, or do not pick up my weapons… it means that my fight and flight options have been infinitely expanded, tempered and balanced with a love, care and respect for myself, which transfers to all my brothers and sisters, unconditionally. I have infinite ability to respond. I am losing my ability to react. My ego is gratefully no longer running the show alone. My Warrior has returned with a Hero’s welcome.

It takes time to nurture this relationship with oneself – years of fighting, disagreeing, slogging it out on the battlefield of life. The day the Warrior returns, the day the Hero knows his glory days are over- is full of mixed emotions. Any sea change in life can suddenly find you washed up on a distant shore, ready to stop fighting, stop all the running; longing for home.

Coming home means learning to find new glory, new adventure in the person you have become, getting down to the business of living the life you find directly in front of you, to slowly but surely find that the life you have is exactly the life that was meant for you. You learn to meet yourself again and again, loving more and more who you see, battle scars, heartaches, regrets and all. Allowing the inner feminine to pick up the broken and aching pieces, cradle the inner child, comfort and soothe you into wholeness, until you can return to the field and not see a battle, but a life of blessing.

Mysteriously it is no longer about us, but about others, acquiring becomes less important than giving, fixing, understanding, mending, listening.  A new life unfolds. Full of the adventure and mystery of the unknown- in a world full of possibilities, anything can happen. Anything can surprise and delight. Nothing is locked down tight. Nothing is for certain. Except love. That is the only certainty;  the only possibility open.

I feel together now, in a way that I never could have imagined- heart and soul, body and spirit, mind and matter. The polarities have softened, lost definition. To the extent that I can envision myself as one, I can envision the earth and all creatures as one. There is no ‘other’, no thing to fight (except myself, which becomes silly.) I am done fighting. I have taken up residence where I have always belonged – in the House of Belonging. Allowing the Unameable Mystery of Love / God, /The Divine /my Higher Self /Being etc. to stock the pantry, turn down the covers, roll up the rug, and light the fire – anticipating those moments when I remember to return home.

Coming home becomes easier as I learn to accept myself, accept that I intimately belong. I am undoubtedly cared for. (Despite how I act and sometimes feel.) I am learning to live out of my new reality- less fear, more joy. I still catch myself, my ego poised for the fight; on red alert. But it’s more like a bad dream and in a few seconds I can wake myself up, grateful for the choice. Glad to find myself home, safe and warm in my own bed.

celebrating woman

13 Mar
aspects of woman

Marker paper with lovely rapidograph pens, (which I didn’t have to clean because I remembered to when I finished the last drawing) colored with prismacolour pencils and markers

Here is the progress on the three aspects of woman; maiden, mother and crone. ‘Wise woman’? Yeah, it nices it up , but there are days(and moods) let’s face it, when ‘crone’ is much more descriptive!  This is one of those projects which is drawing itself- Isis showed up suddenly in the fire fifth- didn’t see her coming. I intended a phoenix. I took the picture with my phone, and cut off a significant amount of the picture. This is why I draw instead of take pictures.


31 Jan
triple goddess

this is the very center of an 11 x 17 work in progress.

I have two works in progress right now; one is a celebration of us women who are fast approaching the other half of their lives- the half where wisdom is more appropriate than stiletto’s. It’s relatively easy to see the shoes go- all I have to do is look at my 17 and 19 year old daughters as they raid my closet and try on shoes that they themselves aren’t even ready to wear yet- but I can see as they stand there, towering over me in my beloved high heels, that the day is not so far off after all. They are beautiful and young, with so much life and adventure ahead of them. The passing of the baton is not difficult for me, I look at the two of them with so much wonder and excitement for the possibilities ahead of them, which, I am sure will eventually go far, far beyond and much deeper than their adolescent love of external beauty and fashion. They are beautiful inside as well as out. How do you tell them that ‘this’, this fixation on ones’ looks and accomplishment is temporary. fleeting? At twenty it seemed to me too, that I had a whole life in front of me- that youth would last forever and beauty was, well, just a new face cream or wrinkle remover away.

There isn’t much in this culture to tell our youth otherwise. And this is where the crone, the ‘old’ wise women comes in…we women have to start cultivating our wisdom now, not wait until we are indeed old in spirit as well as body. We need to open our hearts so that our spirit will grow younger, full of insight and knowledge cultivated from an honest assessment of the lessons life has brought to us. We need to understand our purpose – that our incredible value goes much further than raising children, holding a job or giving to charities. We are desperately needed to become a wellspring for those following- for every woman who doesn’t do the work necessary to bring her story to fruition, there are girls and boys who will miss the wisdom only she could have provided.

How do we do this work? By loving ourselves. By taking an honest assessment of our lives, accepting and allowing all of our rich experiences, not judging ourselves, but seeing our lives with love and compassion for who we are now, and for who we will choose to become.

By simply allowing our lives to  matter, our experiences will translate into worth and meaning for others. Our culture does not support this. It is difficult work. It will not be accomplished by any cream, surgery or vitamin…the results, however, are guaranteed to be truly life changing and affirming. You may never know the far-reaching results of your hard-learned lessons. But if you begin to look out over your life at this moment and start to recognize patterns of joy and suffering, of bliss and despair- out of this close looking will come wisdom. The beautiful, unique person that you are has so much to offer to the world, and the older we get the richer and more fascinating the story. Mine your treasure for all that it is worth. Be willing to give birth to your story. It will be silent at first and only carried deep inside of you. That is the beginning.

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