Tag Archives: crone

Men age hot. Women do not. (seriously?)

8 May

Older men (think Sean Connery) look ‘hot’ as they age, women tend to hide (think many female movie stars in general, Ava Gardner in particular.)

Never really thought about this before, just accepted it as fact- along with the biological explanation that goes something like this: women have a birth-window shelf-life, after which they become less attractive, while men remain virile, all their lives, which is attractive. Hmmmm.  Ok.

Last night, I had a really odd thought about this.

Before I mention it, however, some background on my input prior to this odd little thought:

In a gathering of women, we discussed the need for women to care for themselves. We talked about how we look after everyone and everything else, allowing little or no opportunities for self-nourishing. We felt that as women, we are often told, parentally or culturally, that we are here to care for others first- including grown adult males and adult children and to not do so is considered selfish and self-indulgent. We talked about being taught to think that ‘caring for’ someone is the same as ‘taking care of’ someone.

Caring for someone is about valuing the other person, being supportive of their well being and empathizing with them. Caring comes from a self-empowered, loving, and full filled state of being. Since we are full, naturally, we can give. It is energy-increasing, feels good and is often spontaneous in its expression. It is delight-full.

Taking care of someone means taking responsibility – away from them. In certain instances, this is appropriate- obviously infants and small children need someone to take care of them. We appropriately take care of those who are  sick, or  when someone  is temporarily less capable of taking responsibility, we can step in to help. Ideally, when they are back to their capable selves, we give them back the reins.

More often than not, however, taking care of someone is really about our needs. We do it in order to feel loved. Or in order to feel worthy or adequate, powerful, safe; in control. We do not use these words to describe ourselves. Instead of working on creating a powerful, centered and graceful self, we rely on others to provide this for us. We become dependent and subservient instead of beautiful, strong, and independent. We dis-empower ourselves and discourage the other from finding their own inner power and direction.

This siphons off our energy big time. Nothing flows. It is hard, unnatural work.

We are exhausted. We are vulnerable, depleted and weak. Resentment, anger and depression settle in for the long haul.

Seriously? So is it really all about adrenal failure, our thyroid, ~menopause~, anxiety, irritability, stress, fear of aging, depression, brain fog, weight gain, loss of sex appeal, becoming invisible and the other host of woes that we are told go with aging? Possibly. Certainly these are real issues. I have many of them.


We are exhausted. We are vulnerable, depleted and weak. Resentment, anger and depression settle in for the long haul.

What if we could move beyond this exhaustion? What if we chose to re-claim our feminine power? What if we just stopped taking care of those who do not really need our help? What if we focused that time and energy on helping ourselves? What would happen if we became strong, powerful and self-loving? What would happen if women like us grew in number? What if aging was seen as an increase in our awareness of our own inner power? A power that is beginning to show itself more clearly for the first time in our lives – or for the first time in millennia?

What if we put ourselves first and made the filling of our own deep dry wells our first priority? I wonder – would many of our symptoms diminish or even disappear? I don’t know for sure. I’ve never tried it. I’m guessing that filling myself with love, security and a powerful sense of my own worth and value won’t hurt me. And passing this energy on to others also strikes me as beneficial.

If you are still on the fence, with the old voices whining out to you about your selfishness and worthlessness, just remember that stereotypically, women are nurturing, caring and giving. There. See? That implies that once we have taken good care of ourselves, we will do what we do best- give it all back. Hurrah! A win-win.

We can only give what we have. This holds true for every man, woman and child. We as women are no different. (Except when we are expected by ourselves and our culture to give continuously, even when we have been on empty for years.)

So let’s do this ladies.  Let’s reclaim our power. Let’s stop putting everyone else first. Let’s stop binding our own feet- enslaving ourselves to an outdated, outworn belief system that is at worst killing our spirit and at best aging us prematurely.

That reminds me of the really odd thought I had last night. What if women age poorly because we are not cared for? We can take care of ourselves just fine – but can we care for ourselves? Can we love ourselves into the creative, amazing life-giving vessels that we are?

Let’s try.

Honoring the Elders? Become one.

26 Nov

Becoming elderly will happen whether you choose to become an Elder or not. Becoming an Elder requires a choice. You can honor the person you have become, or get lost in regrets, guilt and broken dreams.

Becoming an Elder requires making peace with the past and purposefully leaning into the future.

It’s really a decision about who you want to be in the latter half of your life. Will you become a source of wisdom and clarity for those around you? Or will you become a bitter, selfish burden of complaints and ailments?

Most people have a habit of doing the same thing they’ve always done. They copy behaviors modeled to them by family and society without question. They resign themselves to ‘getting old’ – to never figuring out what life is really about. They give up the race before it’s even been run. What else can you do? (Most people have forgotten they have a choice.)

You and I know better. We have a choice. We can choose to trust that we are Elder material; believe that we have what it takes to be a wise person, a source of clarity. I certainly don’t feel I have it together enough, for enough of the time to be ‘wise’ let alone clear. But I’m it now. I’m next in line. When my kids come to me for advice with their ten foot tall and bullet proof attitude –  I can either take this next phase of my journey seriously or I can turn my back and try to run like hell in the other direction. My kids are the main reason I’ve decided to wise-up. You’ll have your own reasons; tapping at your shoulder, making it clear that you have wisdom the world needs.

What’s ironic is how well prepared we are for becoming an Elder. Our life becomes the perfect training ground for mastering the tools of the Elder: wisdom, understanding, compassion and patience.

READY:  You begin on the on the starting block. You get into your lane, put your toe on that line and get prepared to run. Your parents, teachers, coaches, pastors and culture prepare you – you’re a little sponge accepting information, guidance, examples, attitudes, and behaviors from the outer world. You gain energy, stamina, dreams and skills. With all the outer stimulation, you listen to your inner wisdom less and less, getting caught up in the business of becoming, achieving – devouring everything in sight.

STEADY:  Once you hit your late twenties you are (ideally) prepared to enter society as mature, responsible adult. You haven’t really questioned what you’ve been taught; you’ve just accepted what you’ve learned as truth, and then made it your truth. Toes on the line, hand on the starting block, ready, steady.   No movement is allowed –hold fast to your mark and wait for the gun. This is the time when ‘wait for it’ is heard- and false starts are common. All inner movement is potential, a gathering, a holding of energy; waiting, maturing. Ripening. Invisible. Inevitable. Outwardly, you test your skills; build your character, usually one mistake at a time. You experience at least one dark night of the soul. It’s so easy to get out of control, overextended, overwhelmed. So many false starts. You end up trying to control everything; parenting, kids, marriage, job, house, car, pets, leisure time, date nights. You are officially caught up in the loop of succeeding, possessing, proving, providing and accumulating.

GO!  Somewhere around age fifty, the starting gun went off. I didn’t even see this one coming. Surrounded by enough piles of inner and outer baggage to open my own thrift store, I had forgotten that I was all geared up for a race. To me it was just business as usual. Apparently, life had another agenda. (#letting go) – In the lineup were waistline, eyesight, children, parents, youth, health and lots of ‘stuff’. I was suddenly jolted into awareness, forced to change – ready or not. Struggling to cope with the ending of relationships, conditions, and situations that I loved deeply, having to let go when I was not ready to let go. Understanding that I wasn’t really in control after all. I was certainly underprepared for all of ‘this’.

But ‘this’ is it, isn’t it? This release is somehow what I’ve been waiting for – what life actually has been preparing me for. The gun, the signal, the great big ‘GO!’ that releases all the built up tension, all the momentum stored, all the latent energy finally let loose. Run!

Fight it.

Lean into it.

Your choice.


The decision you make here is a critical one. It will color all the rest of your days, your relationships, your focus and how you spend your time.

Choose to release the things you have outgrown and that which no longer serves you.  With all the outgrown remnants finally cast off; you will extricate yourselves from years of ‘should’ and ‘because I said so’. You will enter ‘why not?’ and ‘because I can!’ You will be lighter than you have ever been.

Everything to this point has prepared you to be here, now. You are on Sacred Ground. You find that gloriously, thankfully, miraculously, this race is not to be won by strategy, but by character. Your character. Shaped by years of preparation; learning, mistakes, triumphs and experience.

What have you been waiting for all your life? Start now. Pursue your story, because you finally have one to tell. You know who you are now. You know this runner. Let go of everything. Concentrate on the journey as it presents itself.  Be open to wonder.

You’ll find that you’ll begin to love the race for itself and your joyful participation in it.

Run. Because it won’t be the same without you.

Full Moon : the phases/faces of a woman’s life

25 May
Triple Goddess

prismacolour – markers and pencils. a few copic markers too. pen and ink outline. on my favorite- marker paper. it always amazes me how flimsy, yet strong this paper is! finished size is 12 x 17

Maiden, Mother,Crone!!

My celebration of the wise women on this planet who are entering the full flowering of their being.(In plain old english, those of us turning 50 and beyond) It’s a full moon today too, and I have just finished. How’s that for a little synchronicity? Have a inspiring, creative and fruitful day…

celebrating woman

13 Mar
aspects of woman

Marker paper with lovely rapidograph pens, (which I didn’t have to clean because I remembered to when I finished the last drawing) colored with prismacolour pencils and markers

Here is the progress on the three aspects of woman; maiden, mother and crone. ‘Wise woman’? Yeah, it nices it up , but there are days(and moods) let’s face it, when ‘crone’ is much more descriptive!  This is one of those projects which is drawing itself- Isis showed up suddenly in the fire fifth- didn’t see her coming. I intended a phoenix. I took the picture with my phone, and cut off a significant amount of the picture. This is why I draw instead of take pictures.


31 Jan
triple goddess

this is the very center of an 11 x 17 work in progress.

I have two works in progress right now; one is a celebration of us women who are fast approaching the other half of their lives- the half where wisdom is more appropriate than stiletto’s. It’s relatively easy to see the shoes go- all I have to do is look at my 17 and 19 year old daughters as they raid my closet and try on shoes that they themselves aren’t even ready to wear yet- but I can see as they stand there, towering over me in my beloved high heels, that the day is not so far off after all. They are beautiful and young, with so much life and adventure ahead of them. The passing of the baton is not difficult for me, I look at the two of them with so much wonder and excitement for the possibilities ahead of them, which, I am sure will eventually go far, far beyond and much deeper than their adolescent love of external beauty and fashion. They are beautiful inside as well as out. How do you tell them that ‘this’, this fixation on ones’ looks and accomplishment is temporary. fleeting? At twenty it seemed to me too, that I had a whole life in front of me- that youth would last forever and beauty was, well, just a new face cream or wrinkle remover away.

There isn’t much in this culture to tell our youth otherwise. And this is where the crone, the ‘old’ wise women comes in…we women have to start cultivating our wisdom now, not wait until we are indeed old in spirit as well as body. We need to open our hearts so that our spirit will grow younger, full of insight and knowledge cultivated from an honest assessment of the lessons life has brought to us. We need to understand our purpose – that our incredible value goes much further than raising children, holding a job or giving to charities. We are desperately needed to become a wellspring for those following- for every woman who doesn’t do the work necessary to bring her story to fruition, there are girls and boys who will miss the wisdom only she could have provided.

How do we do this work? By loving ourselves. By taking an honest assessment of our lives, accepting and allowing all of our rich experiences, not judging ourselves, but seeing our lives with love and compassion for who we are now, and for who we will choose to become.

By simply allowing our lives to  matter, our experiences will translate into worth and meaning for others. Our culture does not support this. It is difficult work. It will not be accomplished by any cream, surgery or vitamin…the results, however, are guaranteed to be truly life changing and affirming. You may never know the far-reaching results of your hard-learned lessons. But if you begin to look out over your life at this moment and start to recognize patterns of joy and suffering, of bliss and despair- out of this close looking will come wisdom. The beautiful, unique person that you are has so much to offer to the world, and the older we get the richer and more fascinating the story. Mine your treasure for all that it is worth. Be willing to give birth to your story. It will be silent at first and only carried deep inside of you. That is the beginning.

%d bloggers like this: