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celebrating woman

13 Mar
aspects of woman

Marker paper with lovely rapidograph pens, (which I didn’t have to clean because I remembered to when I finished the last drawing) colored with prismacolour pencils and markers

Here is the progress on the three aspects of woman; maiden, mother and crone. ‘Wise woman’? Yeah, it nices it up , but there are days(and moods) let’s face it, when ‘crone’ is much more descriptive!  This is one of those projects which is drawing itself- Isis showed up suddenly in the fire fifth- didn’t see her coming. I intended a phoenix. I took the picture with my phone, and cut off a significant amount of the picture. This is why I draw instead of take pictures.

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Blue Lotus

27 Feb

Ah… now you can see the frogs!

For my friend Bhante Sujatha at Blue Lotus Temple.

The whole thing is prismacolor markers with a few copics and colored pencil.

blue Lotus

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a progression!

26 Feb

Here is the very beginning… this is for Blue Lotus Temple.blue lotus sketch

Every year Bhante Sujatha has asked me to do a piece for the Annual Taste of Sri Lanka. This year, my theme is empty…happy…

lotus-circle-finalweb

If you have kids, or if you just love to color, please feel free to download this and color it. My kids are loving it. See the frogs?

Suicide.

23 Feb

What do you do when a child of 14 ends her life?

What do you do as your daughter, in tears wonders and wished that she could have, might, have done something, anything, if only…if only she would have known, if they had been better friends…or what about the other kids at school, the kids that are well, different, she says kids are really mean to them. She tells me about a boy that was called horrible names that day at school.  ‘Mom?  Kids were teasing him- I could have stuck up for him…mom… I didn’t. Why didn’t I?’

My heart breaks, my heart aches for this girl that I didn’t know, breaks for her parents, for her family… they have nothing today but pain and unfathomable loss…my rage at the kids who bullied her because she was ‘different’. Really? Aren’t we all striving to be individuals? To make our mark by being different? Unique? Isn’t that a big message from our culture?

And yet, I have compassion for the pain, the suffering that these ‘bullies’ have- the no-inside, the lack of sacred space, of any kind of belief that life is precious, sacred. That they themselves are acting out of terrible pain. As my daughter points out- ‘we have all these anti-bullying talks and pep rallies. But they don’t work…’  She looks back over her brief 17 years and cites examples that she feels regret about, people that she could have been far nicer to, people she could have advocated for. I’m proud of her. I think this might be a choice point for her. For her life.

The one thing this other girl hasn’t got.

Life.

I’m angry, sad, confused.

I want to agree with my daughter, that this could have, should have been avoidable. When you think of people that die for their beliefs, I don’t typically think of 14 year old girls. But I can imagine some of those beliefs: I’m different. I don’t fit in. It isn’t worth it. Did she think any of these thoughts? I don’t know for sure.

But I am ashamed that this can, and does happen. In her obituary it states that she was a student, artist, singer, and master of the ukulele. Sounds like someone I would have liked to have known.

I have another website- The Journey. Art for Healing. www.journeyartforhealing.com It sits unattended. My husband asked me a couple weeks ago what I was doing with it. He wanted to post some picture of my art class’ artwork at Le Petit Marche where I staged a gallery display –opening and all for my class, a group of 7 – 11 year old budding artists. We had a huge turn out on opening night- much to the amazement and delight of these kids. These kids come to my house after school on Thursdays and we do art. This is the sign that is still up on the wall for that art display.

art class description.indd

 I do not want to fall into the knee-jerk reaction of “I have to DO something’. But I am already here. And I think I see a way to help. But I’d like to add practicality to my initial gut reaction.

I want to form a group. An Art for Healing group. At the high school level, where these kids need an advocate, a mentor, someone to encourage them in their uniqueness and someone to just be a friend.

As an artist, I believe that I can reach this group of kids who feel different, outside. I get them. I know what that feels like. I already teach, already had the intention of this business, Art for Healing, and now have an opportunity. Two years ago, I intentionally decided to not set up The Journey: Art for Healing as a nonprofit. But it is registered as a business.

 Where your talents and the need of the world intersect…there is your vocation.

-Aristotle

So here I am. I’d really appreciate your comments/ideas/thoughts. I honestly don’t know what this could look like, or how it will practically come about. All I know is that there is a need here. And I am here.

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Wisdom

31 Jan
triple goddess

this is the very center of an 11 x 17 work in progress.

I have two works in progress right now; one is a celebration of us women who are fast approaching the other half of their lives- the half where wisdom is more appropriate than stiletto’s. It’s relatively easy to see the shoes go- all I have to do is look at my 17 and 19 year old daughters as they raid my closet and try on shoes that they themselves aren’t even ready to wear yet- but I can see as they stand there, towering over me in my beloved high heels, that the day is not so far off after all. They are beautiful and young, with so much life and adventure ahead of them. The passing of the baton is not difficult for me, I look at the two of them with so much wonder and excitement for the possibilities ahead of them, which, I am sure will eventually go far, far beyond and much deeper than their adolescent love of external beauty and fashion. They are beautiful inside as well as out. How do you tell them that ‘this’, this fixation on ones’ looks and accomplishment is temporary. fleeting? At twenty it seemed to me too, that I had a whole life in front of me- that youth would last forever and beauty was, well, just a new face cream or wrinkle remover away.

There isn’t much in this culture to tell our youth otherwise. And this is where the crone, the ‘old’ wise women comes in…we women have to start cultivating our wisdom now, not wait until we are indeed old in spirit as well as body. We need to open our hearts so that our spirit will grow younger, full of insight and knowledge cultivated from an honest assessment of the lessons life has brought to us. We need to understand our purpose – that our incredible value goes much further than raising children, holding a job or giving to charities. We are desperately needed to become a wellspring for those following- for every woman who doesn’t do the work necessary to bring her story to fruition, there are girls and boys who will miss the wisdom only she could have provided.

How do we do this work? By loving ourselves. By taking an honest assessment of our lives, accepting and allowing all of our rich experiences, not judging ourselves, but seeing our lives with love and compassion for who we are now, and for who we will choose to become.

By simply allowing our lives to  matter, our experiences will translate into worth and meaning for others. Our culture does not support this. It is difficult work. It will not be accomplished by any cream, surgery or vitamin…the results, however, are guaranteed to be truly life changing and affirming. You may never know the far-reaching results of your hard-learned lessons. But if you begin to look out over your life at this moment and start to recognize patterns of joy and suffering, of bliss and despair- out of this close looking will come wisdom. The beautiful, unique person that you are has so much to offer to the world, and the older we get the richer and more fascinating the story. Mine your treasure for all that it is worth. Be willing to give birth to your story. It will be silent at first and only carried deep inside of you. That is the beginning.

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thank you for being kind

27 Jul

In the world of system theory, I am a ‘flow-through’. Energy, information and matter flows into me and is transformed through my experiences and intention as it continues on its way. I am amazed by this, but it makes me think how often I misuse the tremendous potential I hold if this is true.

More often than not, I falter around in my little version of myself as ‘self-world’. I can’t see anything beyond myself, or others with whom I identify, and I put all my energy and effort into protecting my beliefs, my beloveds and the ‘life’ I have precariously carved out for myself. I use my capacity for thinking and desire to create myriad levels of separation; ‘me vs. ‘them’. I know where I stand, right? I know who I am.

Yet, as you read these words, and the concepts they contain, a part of me extends into you. The ‘process’ that is me has extended far beyond my skin, into the cortex of your brain. I have flowed right into you. How do you separate me from you? Or you from those around you? This is the much larger ‘selfness’ of which I am becoming aware. I find myself more often than not re- experiencing the world as my extended self and its story as my extended story.

But after all, I have a place in this world, my own identity and a separateness that defines ‘who-I-am’. –or do I?  Do I need separation to belong? Or can I just pull up a chair and join the family?

And now that I know that how I choose to live my life affects you, will I choose to give you more chaos or bless you with harmony? I used to think that I was only accountable for the transformation of myself, but now it seems that to some degree, although not my intention, I find myself accountable for the transformation of my world as well.

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Sacred Ground

20 Jul

I will be at Gallery in the Garden next weekend. It’s my first outdoor show.

I’m excited about this. A lot of my friends will be there-

I have no idea what to expect.

I think I have everything I need…business cards, tent, table, all the bits and pieces that make these things come together nicely. Rob, my husband is (thankfully) the organized one and has created a great display out of our blue camping canopy. It looks very nice. I’ll get pictures…

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summer.

11 Jun
Janet Balboa, The Green Man detail, marker and colored pencil, 11″ x 14″ c. 2013

My finished work! I have a great deal of my work hanging at Le Petit Marche. We had a little celebratory party on Saturday -(thank you to everyone that stopped by!) Sarah Landon sang for us with her wonderful, lilting voice- it was a fabulous evening!

And A BIG SIGH OF RELIEF – I have no more unfinished artwork. Anywhere.

I shamelessly used this show as a big incentive to finish all my unfinished works- which not surprisingly for moi – master procrastinator – amounted to quite a few pieces of work. It is sooo nice having a clean slate (and house.) Frees my mind to focus on other things, like getting into the summer schedule again, more kids, more beach, less alone time. This is a hard adjustment for me for the first couple of weeks, but then it seems to open up and my creativity returns, infused with a curious newness. Everyone settles into a comfortable routine and life carries on more or less peacefully.

We are moving too, so living among, in and out of  boxes adds an aura of temporariness. It’s a short sale, so we will find out (hopefully) any day that we are up and out. Viewing this as an adventure. Repressed excitement kinda thing. Like trying to walk normally on quicksand or thin ice.

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the face of a mermaid

16 May

And it worked…. again. Thank God. So now I can heave a sigh of relief, and lay off the coffee a little, because if I mess up the fish, only their momma’s gonna know. You mess up a human face-well, that’s a little more problematic. I ended up using a different photo reference, rather than my daughter, because the picture I wanted to use was hard to see enough detail. This picture is for an Odyssey of the Mind fund-raiser. One of my students, Olivia, suggested it. Once it’s finished, I’ll  scan it into Photoshop and ultimately it will go into a poster via InDesign. I’ll add words to it…etc.

My mom, Sharon to you, stopped by this morning, observed  my progress and just said “she looks so sad…”

Yeah…

Sad or introspective? I would imagine modern mermaids theoretically get pretty introspective/angry as we systematically overfish and otherwise destroy their habitat. I just read COD, a biography of the fish that changed the world, by Mark Kurlansky, so I’m a bit touchy about this subject. It’s worth reading. I hear his other books are just as good.

COD is a delightful read, quirky, interesting and unbelievable in the portrayal of how shortsighted yet optimistic we humans can be. Not knocking anyone- it’s just overwhelming to consider what we are doing to our planet.

Self love. The only solution. So easy to say, so hard to do.

More on that another day. Costco calls. And daughter #2’s final term paper…

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Paris, Pandora and paranoia

15 May

See how I jump around? Honestly. But I love this mermaid…I’ve wanted to do a picture of my oldest daughter Zoe, forever-and this is the one. So in between the Zinnia girl and the Green man popped this. I started her somewhere last week and am ready to color her in.

This pen and ink part is easy – just draw and outline like a coloring book. First in pencil, then a .25 and .35 rapidograph pen.  I had a Google image search for ‘reef fish’ on my computer screen for reference, and Pandora playing. Pandora is fabulous. A music genome project…google it. Welcome to a new addiction. Usually I draw to French café music- (I prefer background music where I do not get distracted by the lyrics, in this case, because I do not understand them.) I think French chanson also makes me feel very, well, un-Mid-western. Somehow it imparts a subtle aura of coolness which is not always present to the degree I’d like in suburban Illinois…add to this, in the afternoon, a glass of wine? Well, decadent…french coffee houses, art, Paris in the 1920’s….understandably, my Muse just binges on this. However, for reasons that I do not understand, this mermaid piece needed the support of ‘Upside Down radio’ which is a Pandora station based on the song by Jack Johnson. Hootie and the Blowfish, The Postal Service, Bob Marley- that kind of music. So that is what I’m listening to, and since it’s only 9am, no wine- I’m caffeinating however.

I am also stalling. Where it gets scary for me is now, when I begin to color in the portrait/face part. This always scares the hell out of me. Every time. Although I’ve done a million faces, it’s like I have no idea what I am doing. I have to look at other pictures I’ve done to convince myself that yes, I am capable of it. So I sit here now, very hesitant to start. I suppose it’s this excitement; the danger of messing up,  that makes me adore it and fear it so much. Eustress. What if I mess up? I will have to start again (with my microscopic attention span, this is a BIG deal) What if it looks nothing like her? What if …

Nike comes to mind as the only possible solution.

Just do it.

I pick up a marker.

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Thursday

10 May

psst…. I ran again this morning…only saying because this is sooo unusual. I feel so much better- usually I wait until the end of the day when I’m tired and ready for a glass of wine. So I am trying this new approach. The app is C25K – couch to 5k – and she tells me when to walk, when to jog…brilliant.

anyway… coffee in hand, I’m in my studio this morning needing to finish up my Green Man. It’s Rob’s birthday present, which is in a couple weeks. I originally set out to do a very simple piece- and as always, there is more in the wings than I expect. I was surprised at what showed up – I only saw the green man and the knot work border. It  says ‘you are love – you are loved’ around the circle, with a very fancy scroll/leafy background. These are the things that I do not see in the ‘planning’ stages. Which is why I suppose, I love to just start with a half-formed concept – because what I did not intend is often so lovely.

I was helping my daughter last night with a homework assignment- argumentative paper on overpopulation. Her main challenge is focusing- narrowing down such a broad topic to a very specific statement which she then can argue and to which she can propose a solution. She is a very creative type and kept coming up with new ideas, new realizations of what we are doing to our beautiful planet, and as the spirit took her and she got passionate about it, it became very difficult for her to niche down and limit herself to one narrow corridor of thought. ‘ There’s just so much to say about it…’ she sighed.

I mention this because I find in the ‘real’ world, one’s ability to be specific, set goals, have a plan, to niche down, to limit oneself – is expected and encouraged. But as I sit here, half in the ‘real’ world and half in the ‘other’ world, straddling both of my hemispheres, I am choosing to be influenced by something else. I am seeking, waiting for that which pulls me out of myself – that which allows me to see countless possibilities, infinite arrangements -the clamoring of the infinite for expression in finite. It’s such a dance- to be able to be ok with uncertainty, to allow overwhelm, to sit in complete wonder at ‘what is’ and to not want to change it, just to witness it. As artists, we are surrounded and influenced by our culture, and its attachment to ego and certainty. The two killers of creativity. As artists, we hold a position that is overlooked (by ourselves and by our society) in its importance. We hold the curtain back so that others may get a glimpse of that which is beyond- to build a bridge, to help others see what we see- to look with non-physical eyes at what exists beyond our limited perceptions. We allow infinity, mystery and uncertainty into this world. As Einstein is often paraphrased- you can’t solve a problem on the level it was created – it takes new ideas, fresh thought, and inspiration to bring something new into being. Part of my job with my students is to teach them that this uncertainty is a good thing; a necessary thing. That our culture and our souls desperately need inspiration – to be filled with fresh breath, to experience the mystery of life – in addition to our amazing ability to think, to limit and define. Both halves of our brains are necessary in the curiously human ability and purpose of endlessly creating  finite expressions of the infinite – whether an English paper, a decent cup of coffee or a work of art.

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