Embrace the Crescent Moon: A Week of Inner Work

21 Nov

The Dance of the Crescent Moon lasts about a week – on a calendar it’s roughly 7 days. Bounded by the New Moon and the First Quarter Moon, lies a sequence that invites us to remain comfortably introspective, more ‘dark’ than ‘light’, more soft than hard. More open than closed; dreaming of color; tilting at our collective windmills.

“reculer pour mieux sauter”, a French phrase often translated as ‘taking a step backwards in order to jump further forward’. I have had this idea of a bow being drawn back, and how that backwards stretching will inevitably impact how fast and far the arrow will travel. There is a tension here, a purposeful building and storing of energy – until the right moment comes along, and the arrow flies.

This Crescent Sequence affords us a week, roughly, to look around at our lives and really notice the set and the setting that we participate in and with. We have time and space now, time for tweaks, considerations, last minute changes, before the house lights go down and the curtain goes up. Attention lavished here builds like the tension in the bow. This tension signals a certain getting readiness, it is preparation, and its goal is the nothing less than the target.

The target in our case, is the First Quarter Moon. For now, we prepare ourselves. These are the days of actively watching for synchronicity and serendipity, listening to whispers from within, practicing openness and graciousness to what is coming towards us. Taking stock of what is around us, within us, and how these things may be related.

Often called shadow work, this lunar inspired period of intentional tension building, observed consciously, allows us to metaphorically send a tap root down deep into our own soft, rich pay-dirt. All around us, sap is running low, tides are low, the darkness of crescent moon is still holding more dark than the light it reflects.

According to many traditions, this is also a time where we can access our own rich inner darkness, with the support and confidence of our ancestors, our lineage… for who else could make up the very soil we stand upon today? The actual people, those who make up our family tree- unique to each of us, -our ancestors – the rich body wisdom, of our powerful tribe. Accessable.

Regardless of what is happening on the surface of our lives, here in the depths is the opportunity to ground deep into ourselves, work with our ancestors, our lineage, our essential callings.

Everything originates here, with the inner work; out there in ‘reality’ we play out/experience the story of our interior life. Take this week, this sequence to listen to what is be percolating down in the deep. The tap root of the mightiest oak starts as a little filament, hardly visible to the naked eye. Eventually it will anchor the tree; drawing nutrients and water from deep within the earth. In our hurried minds, the urge to let the the show begin before the stage has been set, – all this has a time and place. But that time is not now. Draw back instead, and take pause. Observe. Notice. Listen.

Building this tension, cultivating your energy – this is a Master Level Life Skill. And learning a new skill usually requires Attention and Repetition. Which can suck. I personally whine a lot in the early stages of any change, let alone- god forbid, something new.

So the good news is this; The crescent moon, long associated with gestation and rising energy, is NOT about learning. All She asks of you is to have faith in your process, relax a little, (soft body; deep breath) and give yourself some space.

This monthly retrograde movement of intentionally heads us back into the mix. We can better spring forth. With this calmness in our personal inner world, the vibration we are constantly emitting into our collective field(s) is cleaner as well.

and remember…

Tension and Discomfort are the persistent feeling of incompetence as we get better at a skill.
~Seth Godin

Pixie Tarot Debuts: Fundraiser for Midwestern Land Preservation

22 Oct

Hello! Guess What! Pixie Tarot (me) making my debut as the first reader for the event! Excited to support this fundraiser for the preservation of our beautiful Midwestern land.

I also entered ‘Borderline’ – a golden skyward view of the dazzling late summer afternoons of the Midwest. It’s colored pencil with lots of gold paint.

Pixie Business Cards!

I flew in from outside to record this video as it started raining. I’d been re-potting all the plants that will be over-wintering in the house. I also cut my thumb on a pot shard…so as you see in the video, I’ve got lovely dirt under my fingernails and the dumb band-aid. My mother would be appalled, but I posted the video anyway. Sure, I could have re-filmed it, but then it wouldn’t be spontaneous, and I apparently prefer spontaneity over a good scrub. Nevermind. Come out and see me and the other wonderful artists, artisans and musicians at Art of the Land ! You’ll enjoy yourself, and I promise I’ll come clean by Friday night!

Master Colored Pencil Techniques with Janet Balboa

22 Oct

Starting Monday, October 27, 10- 11:30.

Learn the tips and tricks to help your work really stand out. And have fun, and improve your drawing skills too.

Registration is thru Creative Arts Inc.

https://www.creativeartsinc.org/adult-classes.html

Here’s the deets:
Colored Pencil Technique
Janet Balboa

MON 10:00-11:30am
$114 for 7 weeks; $65 for 4 weeks (1.5 hour class)
Crystal Lake studio

Explore the magic of colored pencil! Each week begins with a short demonstration and technique practice, followed by guided time to apply what you’ve learned in a small, finished piece. This class is ideal for anyone eager to deepen their skills and experiment with color, layering, and texture. 

Step by step class to expand your art skills with instructor demonstrations.

Visit instructor Janet Balboa’s Art Portfolio

Join me!

Embracing Life and Death: A Journey of Surrender

23 Aug

As its most elegant expression, our Moon Cycling facilitates a way to understand/experience ‘being with’.
Being with… the span of our lives, long or short, birth to death- and the beauty and terror we are capable of holding/encompassing as human beings.

Being with our Experience, our lived experience of the events of our life as they occur to us…present, before thought, before our concept of :how: things ‘should’ be in order to maintain our often narrowly conditioned narratives and labels.

I am learning again and again to surrender into a darkness that holds not terror, but healing, a darkness that is ultimately the bearer of light-

It’s a surrender to the depths, in the depths, to that which is, that which holds me regardless of who I am, what I’ve achieved, how i am or the choices I make…unconditional….. ultimately, of course, we name it love. It is not romantic. It is a rough passage. A dark night.The descent is not for the faint of heart.Religious? Goddess? Spiritual? Christ? Pieta? Yes, yet just more labels.

Experientially, for me, IT is what is, and it holds with such grace and partnership that slowly I am unfurling. Allowing -this- IT – mysterious darkness bearing light- to be the Maypole I find myself joyously dancing around as my life is woven into such rich beauty around me.

Witnessing my moms passing is the wildest, scariest inconceivable leap into the unknown yet. (She is still here, but hanging by an ever more worn thread.) No one ever really prepared me for this one, this particular event. This is my Death Doulaness, the Death Cafe – allowing/creating an opening so I (which has become a WE) can be present with the darkness and learn to seed into it vastly- relying on the immanent- and eminent possibility -of life- to continue uninterrupted in its daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, rounds.Talking helps. Soothes. Normalizes. Allows the hard to be easy(er). Community. We do better together.

To me- every religious teaching hints at the embodied expereince of this leap of ‘faith’- The ancient Mysteries, Bohm’s implicate and explication order, every Labyrinth, Newgrange Spiral, Tarot Fool, Eschers’ discontinuity, Geb’s flip, Minoan Bull Leapers-, YingYang, the Resurrections – a whole world of countless motifs call to us across all humanity- all singing the same ancient song…dancing, because well, IT all ends and begins with Love- which is a passage. A movement. A twist, a leap. It allows us the womb and the tomb, the Pieta, who holds birth and death in her arms and says a vehement yes to both, not knowing how the hell it will unfold- but knowing it will, and she will be shaken, not stirred —– more powerful and present for the holding of opposites as they resolve themselves again and again in her arms.

🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Join the Conversation at Death Café in Woodstock

11 Aug

☕ Death Café
An open conversation about life, death, and everything in between.
No agenda. No judgment. Just tea, snacks, and honesty.

Wednesday, August 20th, 5-7pm
The Foodshed, Woodstock

Come curious. Leave connected.
Facilitating: Sabrina Cienfuegos

The Energy of Asking: How to Create Opportunities

10 Aug

A Field Guide for Possibility

How about an ontological approach to requesting, inviting, and creating flow? – (this from deepdown in the back 80 acres of my mind, where I’ve been away vision-questing for some while now. this being prompted by the Soul Collab I’m co-facilitating with Andreas Mannal. It makes sense to me, but/and I am very conditioned by the Old Mode. hard to shift old habits: teaching causes me to learn: sharing results in dialogues of possibility. That’s pretty much my end-game. We get some new energy going around all the things.)

Well, isn’t that special?

1. The Old Mode: Why Fear & History Don’t Work

When we ask from lack, fear, or “historical data” (past disappointments, proof it won’t work, stories of failure), we:

• Narrow the field of possibility to what has already been.

• Invite resistance (in ourselves and others).

• Unconsciously signal I already believe the answer is no.

Ontological translation: Being “history-bound” is being closed. The world can only show us what we have already known.

2. The Shift: Being Before Asking

It’s always very matchy-matchy… the people, situation, circumstance or event vibes along the ley lines of the energy you bring.  (plant tomato seeds=harvest tomatoes, garbage in, garbage out, etc.)

The same is true of any “ask.”

The ontological order is:

1. Be — step into the stance of openness, curiosity, and invitation.

2. See — perceive from that stance (possibility, not probability).

3. Speak — let the words carry the energy you are already being.

Your “ask” is simply the spoken surface of an already existing energy field you have stepped into.

3. The Stance of the Ask

Think of three energetic postures before you open your mouth (or type your words):

• Possibility: “This could be a doorway to something we haven’t seen yet.”

• Generosity: “This is an offering, not a demand.”

• Adventure: “Let’s find out what happens when we say yes to the unknown.”

These stances change the feel of the ask from “take from you” to “expand us both.”

4. An Ask Formula (Ontological Edition)

Step 1 — Declare the context

Name the shared possibility you’re standing in.

Example: “I’m exploring ways to bring more [beauty / connection / transformation] into the world.”

Step 2 — Invite participation

Frame the ask as a co-creation, not a transaction.

Example: “I’d love to explore with you how we might…”

Step 3 — Leave space

Don’t load it with expectation or attachment to the outcome.

Examples: “What comes to mind for you?” or “Does this feel like something you’d be excited about?”

This creates an open field rather than a binary yes/no trap.

5. The Energy Check Before You Ask

Ask yourself:

• Am I trying to get or am I creating an opening?

• Does my body feel tight or expansive?

• Am I speaking from now/future or from past data?

If the answer is “past,” pause, breathe, and re-enter the stance of possibility.

6. Why This Works

When you are being the possibility, the ask is no longer a test of your worth — it’s an extension of the reality you’re already inhabiting. People, the situation, circumstance or event (all the things) respond differently because:

• There is an invitation rather than cornering.

• There is space co-creativity.

• The energy is light, not needy. Resonant. Redolent. Radiant.

7. A Practice to Rehearse

Before each ask, speak this to yourself silently or softly aloud:

I am the opening
I invite adventure
I release history
This is an invitation to create what was not possible until now…

Then make the ask as if the possibility is already real.

Let me know how this goes for you. I’m in curious/wondering, just because of the possibilities. And, since it’s the Full Moon, and I’m all about that, here’s a mandala I drew, for the full moon. Download and print onto card stock, then color. (There is for sure some shadowing, my erased guidelines. Once colored over, I didn’t notice them anymore.)

“Doing” art is an ancient and rather proven recipe for calming (tf) down. Have at it.

Understanding Validation: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

5 Aug validation is a feeling state. and it's a lovely one to have.

Validation is the act of giving validity. And what’s valid here are the concepts of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness. Real world attributes.

In its bones, validation is not a compliment or approval. It is a recognition of my reality. Who I already am if I would just allow that I’m actually here. I have happened. My life actually is happening. I’m not crazy; I’m valid. I can acknowledge my existence without the feeling of having to continually prove it by performing, doing, achieving, yada, yada…

The moment of being validated feels like this:

  • A slight pause, a deep inhale – like someone finally sees what’s been heavy inside me.
  • A dropping of armor. Shoulders soften.
  • Maybe a hot, quiet ache in my chest, or a tingling in my eyes – the kind that precedes tears, not from sadness, but from relief.
  • A spark of uprightness in my spine, not puffed-up ego, but a real sense of embodied wholeness.
  • The knowing that I no longer have to fight to be ‘real’.

Well, how about them apples?

Validation is a mirror that doesn’t distort, doesn’t add, doesn’t subtract. It simply says:

‘Yes. That happened. You felt that. That’s real. You are real.’

Validation really, truly then is a feeling state, one that will bloom beautifully – from the inside out.

It is a breaking forth of my own inherent reality –   the pressure of ‘not being seen’ has finally found release. It is an exhale after holding my breath – it’s not approval, see? It’s me finally unclenching. Allowing my own personal treasure trove of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness to be revealed; made visible. Perceived as already present. Like Michelangelo looking deep into that marble and seeing what was already there.

Validation returns me to myself, you to yourself. It doesn’t add anything – it simply stops the hemorrhage of energy spent proving you exist.

I imagine a hand placed lightly over my heart. Or a nod – slow, deliberate…

“I am here.”

Or even an intentional silence that holds space rather than fills it.

Relax. Ground down deeply into your own presence. Simply be.

The artist and her shadow

22 Jul

I sit with fear a lot these days. And I wrestle with what feels like needing permission.  

‘Permission…for what? From whom? Why am I so scared?’

Permission to exist as I am. To speak from the center of my soul without translation. To create without asking if it’s useful, marketable or coherent. To offer my work- my voice, my drawings, my breath – as it is, as I am: sacred, unfinished, vibrating with mystery.

Permission? ……from the legacy that says be competent. Be perfect. Be in control. Be of use. Be polite. (But do not cry too loud. Do not rage. Do not fail. Do not make a mess….…)

………….from myself- from the small-me who was brilliant and strange and radiant and really needed a witness, not a boatload of managers…

I’m scared because I feel my body remembers. It remembers how dangerous visibility once was. How costly failure was. How tight the corset of expectations has always been.

And yet here I am- breathing, speaking, tending to my transformation. Feeling the anger, the fear, the fragility, the restlessness, the tenderness – and not to calcify it, but to offer it ample space. Not erasing my old stories but letting the threads complete a weave through my voice, my art, my life, my becoming.

I speak all day with people who voice fears, cries of anguish, deep sorrows, regrets and lost dreams. I’m learning a lot. Opening up. I see that we all contain radiance and rage, control and surrender, service and sorrow.  We are all busy braiding grief and reverence together, in our own beautiful way.

I’m tending to transformation like a rite of passage. A portal to be walked through. A doorway into who-I-could-be at the cost of what I have been.   I’m afraid because it’s time. Time to begin without certainty or formula. Not foolish, but sacred. For all of us doing this work, it’s like we are the midwife and the child- birthing ourselves through this sacred mess. Oof.

I’m finding that I don’t have to fight or fix my fear, I hold her, and then I speak. It’s more of a posture, the luminous clarity of belonging to yourself, with fear resting beside you and your voice gently rising anyway.

As for fear? Let her sit beside you. Let her rest her head on your shoulder. You don’t have to cast her out.

Just don’t let her hold the mic anymore.

New beginnings..from endings

26 Jun

Why don’t I do what I want to do? Why am I afraid? This New Moon, I’m planting seeds of desire. Because who really wants to plant seeds of discord that will reflect back the same? No thanks.

So, by posting this video (below), which may be bad, or good- the point for me was to post it. To post a video for new moon. On the new moon. Not about the moon per se, but the cycle it represents, that of preparation for the understanding that Life is very much inclusive of this thing we call Death.

If you’ve watched it, the absolute clincher for me in actually sucking it up and deciding to post it was that my intended length was 11 minutes. Voila, the video clocks in at 11:08. oy.

This for sure today, was the thing that scared me most. A done deal, no justifications necessary for my intellect, terrifying to my emotions. What if I suck…I’m not an expert…Oh fer feks sek. Get over it.

That said, my mom’s dementia scares me, and the fact that on her discharge papers from the hospital yesterday, it clearly states she was admitted with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in pregnancy.

WTliteralF.

I’m gonna have a sibling! Matt’s gonna be a middle child! Dear God. She’s 87.

Anyway, it gave us a laugh in an otherwise fraught two weeks. Oliver if it’s a boy, Bethany for a girl…

So that thing you want to do? The Thing that is so clearly your next step? The thing that only you know how to do? The thing you cannot do? Just Do It. (no diggety)

Find that person who will gently nudge you in the right direction. That person that when you look them directly in the eyes will tell you: Yes. It may be scary, may require laying down a burden of past beliefs, probably requires a whole new outlook. But yes, you are indeed the only one suited for the job. No one else can ‘do’ your next step. Likewise, this time, no one else (but you) can look you square in the eyes and say ‘It’s go time.’ 

my podcast beginning… Notes fron the Edge.

Exploring the Myth of Medusa: A Personal Journey

25 Feb

Well, my art, i find, at the end of the day, is really very much all about myself, in the sense of some former me shining a light into places I’m meant to explore a little deeper… and sometimes it takes absolute years for me to meander ’round to an earlier excavation site.

So I find myself re experiencing the Myth of Medusa. Another Teaching Story, meant, like all good stories, to capture the Imagination of the child and thus allow the latent seeds of transformation to hitchhike, and eventually unfurl, far along the trajectory of a life.

I don’t remember what year it was when I drew this particular Medusa, but hey, she’s resonating with me presently.

The journey for me is already years-deep into the Forest Primeval, apprehending an ancient wound that disfigures boundaries, self- worth and my current purpose. How else to say it? Idk. My mind, when I’m inspired to draw, typically prefers to show what it cannot say.

  I think Im implying that if a picture can paint a thousand words, you can then imagine possibilities. This also is the eternal  beauty of myths. There really is no ‘right’ answer. And Wonder and Curiosity are close cousins to not knowing/being open.

Like Delphi, this open-ended brand of wisdom mainly leaves you to play in the gardens of your own fertile Imagination. And is this not the unconditioned mind? The crossroads where it’s very appropriate to allow yourself to wonder “What if…and then wait for direction. It’ll come. Yours. The direction meant for you. Not what your supposed to do. The direction you’ll walk in, the very present path life is offering you. Who you will become?

So there you have it. Medusa. I wonder what she says to me now? And, the wondering itself shows me a path I haven’t explored fully.

Buried treasure? Probs.

Celebrate My 61st Year with $61 Tarot Readings

13 Jan

🌹 I’m celebrating my 61st year 🌹with 61 dollar readings- now through Valentine’s Day! ❤️ These one-hour sessions are a space to explore tarot and moon symbolism, creating an opening for clarity, focus, and transformation. DM me to book your reading and step into this year with  some mighty balanced intentions❤️