Tag Archives: accepting

Embracing Life and Death: A Journey of Surrender

23 Aug

As its most elegant expression, our Moon Cycling facilitates a way to understand/experience ‘being with’.
Being with… the span of our lives, long or short, birth to death- and the beauty and terror we are capable of holding/encompassing as human beings.

Being with our Experience, our lived experience of the events of our life as they occur to us…present, before thought, before our concept of :how: things ‘should’ be in order to maintain our often narrowly conditioned narratives and labels.

I am learning again and again to surrender into a darkness that holds not terror, but healing, a darkness that is ultimately the bearer of light-

It’s a surrender to the depths, in the depths, to that which is, that which holds me regardless of who I am, what I’ve achieved, how i am or the choices I make…unconditional….. ultimately, of course, we name it love. It is not romantic. It is a rough passage. A dark night.The descent is not for the faint of heart.Religious? Goddess? Spiritual? Christ? Pieta? Yes, yet just more labels.

Experientially, for me, IT is what is, and it holds with such grace and partnership that slowly I am unfurling. Allowing -this- IT – mysterious darkness bearing light- to be the Maypole I find myself joyously dancing around as my life is woven into such rich beauty around me.

Witnessing my moms passing is the wildest, scariest inconceivable leap into the unknown yet. (She is still here, but hanging by an ever more worn thread.) No one ever really prepared me for this one, this particular event. This is my Death Doulaness, the Death Cafe – allowing/creating an opening so I (which has become a WE) can be present with the darkness and learn to seed into it vastly- relying on the immanent- and eminent possibility -of life- to continue uninterrupted in its daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, rounds.Talking helps. Soothes. Normalizes. Allows the hard to be easy(er). Community. We do better together.

To me- every religious teaching hints at the embodied expereince of this leap of ‘faith’- The ancient Mysteries, Bohm’s implicate and explication order, every Labyrinth, Newgrange Spiral, Tarot Fool, Eschers’ discontinuity, Geb’s flip, Minoan Bull Leapers-, YingYang, the Resurrections – a whole world of countless motifs call to us across all humanity- all singing the same ancient song…dancing, because well, IT all ends and begins with Love- which is a passage. A movement. A twist, a leap. It allows us the womb and the tomb, the Pieta, who holds birth and death in her arms and says a vehement yes to both, not knowing how the hell it will unfold- but knowing it will, and she will be shaken, not stirred —– more powerful and present for the holding of opposites as they resolve themselves again and again in her arms.

🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Fierce Mother Love: A Meditation on Presence

11 Dec

That’s my working title anyway.

I saw/received/ had the idea for this drawing last week and sketched it out in the margin of some notes I was taking. I originally saw a bat in the central spot where the face is now. An upside down bat, like a gargoyle – I was thinking Gothic Cathedral, Notre Dame style gargoyles.

And now…a presence. This Presence. Oh my.

Certainly she’s been called a bat, a crone, a hag, an old lady. Probably worse. Most definitely worse.

All I know is that from where I sit, those word concepts do not jive with this Lady. This is fierce Mother Love. A uncompromising Love for Our Planet and Every Thing that dwells there upon. All encompassing. All devouring. All embracing. The prevailing wind.

That’s what this place, this cathedral forest seeks. Lovers of change, of motion, of life in the tumultuous moment. Those still centers that can witness Life in its endless cycling; unafraid.

Nurturing, holding, keeping, supporting, restoring, preparing, sustaining, soothing, reflecting: being with.

I am held. My new mantra.

I’ve finished two more forests and will post them soon-ish. These Forests are meditations, I think. Guides coming through? Hands/help reaching/piercing the veil. There are better metaphors maybe, but these work for now. For me, this drawing feels/confirms that I/we are not alone. And today, that is a very kind and welcome thought.

🙏❤️

Balancing Light and Dark: Lessons from the Moon Cycle

29 Mar


A little project of mine since forever.
In the cycle of the moon, it is the First Quarter Moon.
half light half dark
Balanced
Poised…
a choice point.
Tomorrow, I will walk out into my world under a Gibbous Moon, ideally, with a sense of wonder, delight, desire and adventure.
The word commitment is often paired with the1st Quarter Moon and for me it’s becoming a conscious commitment to the practice of ‘getting my heart in the right place’ – opening up and out to the World.

I’m making a deal with myself today, that I will try to pull back on my knee-jerk fears when they come up, and exchange fear for blessing- seeing what is in front of me, the situation, the person, the thing, each event, as it IS. I bless what is; unconditionally.


In theory, this attention will help attend to my shadow, in the moment, as it presents itself. My shadow side doesn’t respond well to the bright light of day, analysis, or reason.


I’m practicing this unconditional self love, figuring that this too is a skill that can be learned. So, the practice. Swap fear for love. And the deal is, it’s just for a lunar week.


And, the picture is Telephoros. An important symbol for this half and half day. He’s Part of my Anam Cara picture- from ages ago. He’s speaking to me again, bringing a soft glow to all the hidden bits.


Link to my post about telephoros: https://janetbalboa.com/2014/09/11/dwarfs-illumination-and-knowing-that-everything-matters/

Learning to do the back float.

20 Feb

After all these years, you would think I’d be a pro at letting the mighty river of life gracefully carry me as it courses along. I’ve read enough books; have had the rug pulled out too many times to know that I’m definitely not in control here. On most days, I have learned to go with the flow, show up open and excited. I trust that I will flow over the rough and smooth and all will be well.

Then there are the other days.

Quietly, my ego has seized a tiny foothold of control somewhere. Some little negativity or offence has been noted. Someone cut me off in traffic. The jeans are a little tight. It could be anything. Whether this perceived offence shows up in the form of others bringing me down, intolerable situations or unexpected events, it’s a given that it will now be magnified beyond recognition with fear, worry and self-doubt. Like the genie emerging from its bottle, my ego, now the size of our galaxy, is ready to make things right again.

I’m not saying my ego is the bad guy. Far from it. It would be difficult to be a participating member of society-especially in the west- without it. The ego’s crucial mistake is believing that permanence and control are possible. The ego will fight against the huge current of life, insisting that the show is run according to its myopic view of life. Not very clever, but unfortunately, very comfortable and habitual.

My crucial mistake is allowing the ego the reins in the first place. But when I’m feeling bowled over by life, I just want to get back on my feet again. Feel powerful again. How else do I lessen my fear? My ego’s big bully stance certainly seems like the best bet here. Soon I find myself desperately grasping for anything that will support and hold my head above water. As I struggle, my struggle causes me to sink, and I hold on tighter. Fighting…….

Often, I do realize that what I am doing is senseless. I now take over the reins. My rational mind kicks into overdrive and I come up with plans, action steps, lists…the control at my fingertips now is astonishing. The river of life changes its direction, now flowing where I command, annihilating all obstacles, giving me the cosmic green light.

I wish.

Letting my ego and all its fear – or my rational mind and all its control -run my life is a sure recipe for big time disaster.

This idea of being stuck, of not participating with life was Joseph Campbell’s idea of hell. He said it’s the place of people who could not yield their ego system to allow the grace of a trans-personal power to move them.

When you are in agreement with the universe, accepting that everything is just as it is supposed to be, without judgment, you will be cared for. You will meet who you are supposed to meet, go where you are supposed to go – you will experience guidance and direction.

Here’s the quickest, kindest way to quiet the emotional storm and return to your source of power and guidance that I’ve found.

THE BACK FLOAT.

It will restore your ability to ride the current (wherever it takes you)

Getting back into touch with your physical body is one of the best ways to get centered again. Your body is wonderfully uncomplicated when it comes to ‘thinking’:

‘Ouch. That hurts.’

‘Oh! I like that!’

Use this simplicity. Your body is very good at just being. Trust it. Trust yourself.

Ok.  Back float position. Just like you did at the YMCA for your ‘Guppy’ swimming badge…

Lay down flat on the floor.

Lift your chin towards the ceiling

Relax your arms, lift your chest and stomach, and slightly bend your knees. Breathe deeply and relax.

Imagine you are floating down a lazy river on a hot summer’s day. Your ego isn’t going to want to do this, and your rational mind will balk, but it works.

1) Let go. Allow everything to be just as it is. If you are fighting anything in your life, then you are in disharmony with the entire universe. Don’t waste your energy pushing against what-is– against the universe– which is presenting itself to you just as it is. Your acceptance of what-is allows energy to flow to you. Breathe.

2.  Realize that you don’t have to DO anything. Let go of the need to control the situation. When you feel the need to force change on a person or situation, you are adding to the emotional upheaval. When you get caught up in the drama of the situation, you are focused on the problem, struggling, and effectively shut down your ability to go with the flow.

Get up slowly. Give thanks. Be aware you are always on sacred ground. You are loved.