Tag Archives: alchemist

Understanding Validation: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

5 Aug validation is a feeling state. and it's a lovely one to have.

Validation is the act of giving validity. And what’s valid here are the concepts of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness. Real world attributes.

In its bones, validation is not a compliment or approval. It is a recognition of my reality. Who I already am if I would just allow that I’m actually here. I have happened. My life actually is happening. I’m not crazy; I’m valid. I can acknowledge my existence without the feeling of having to continually prove it by performing, doing, achieving, yada, yada…

The moment of being validated feels like this:

  • A slight pause, a deep inhale – like someone finally sees what’s been heavy inside me.
  • A dropping of armor. Shoulders soften.
  • Maybe a hot, quiet ache in my chest, or a tingling in my eyes – the kind that precedes tears, not from sadness, but from relief.
  • A spark of uprightness in my spine, not puffed-up ego, but a real sense of embodied wholeness.
  • The knowing that I no longer have to fight to be ‘real’.

Well, how about them apples?

Validation is a mirror that doesn’t distort, doesn’t add, doesn’t subtract. It simply says:

‘Yes. That happened. You felt that. That’s real. You are real.’

Validation really, truly then is a feeling state, one that will bloom beautifully – from the inside out.

It is a breaking forth of my own inherent reality –   the pressure of ‘not being seen’ has finally found release. It is an exhale after holding my breath – it’s not approval, see? It’s me finally unclenching. Allowing my own personal treasure trove of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness to be revealed; made visible. Perceived as already present. Like Michelangelo looking deep into that marble and seeing what was already there.

Validation returns me to myself, you to yourself. It doesn’t add anything – it simply stops the hemorrhage of energy spent proving you exist.

I imagine a hand placed lightly over my heart. Or a nod – slow, deliberate…

“I am here.”

Or even an intentional silence that holds space rather than fills it.

Relax. Ground down deeply into your own presence. Simply be.

New beginnings..from endings

26 Jun

Why don’t I do what I want to do? Why am I afraid? This New Moon, I’m planting seeds of desire. Because who really wants to plant seeds of discord that will reflect back the same? No thanks.

So, by posting this video (below), which may be bad, or good- the point for me was to post it. To post a video for new moon. On the new moon. Not about the moon per se, but the cycle it represents, that of preparation for the understanding that Life is very much inclusive of this thing we call Death.

If you’ve watched it, the absolute clincher for me in actually sucking it up and deciding to post it was that my intended length was 11 minutes. Voila, the video clocks in at 11:08. oy.

This for sure today, was the thing that scared me most. A done deal, no justifications necessary for my intellect, terrifying to my emotions. What if I suck…I’m not an expert…Oh fer feks sek. Get over it.

That said, my mom’s dementia scares me, and the fact that on her discharge papers from the hospital yesterday, it clearly states she was admitted with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in pregnancy.

WTliteralF.

I’m gonna have a sibling! Matt’s gonna be a middle child! Dear God. She’s 87.

Anyway, it gave us a laugh in an otherwise fraught two weeks. Oliver if it’s a boy, Bethany for a girl…

So that thing you want to do? The Thing that is so clearly your next step? The thing that only you know how to do? The thing you cannot do? Just Do It. (no diggety)

Find that person who will gently nudge you in the right direction. That person that when you look them directly in the eyes will tell you: Yes. It may be scary, may require laying down a burden of past beliefs, probably requires a whole new outlook. But yes, you are indeed the only one suited for the job. No one else can ‘do’ your next step. Likewise, this time, no one else (but you) can look you square in the eyes and say ‘It’s go time.’ 

my podcast beginning… Notes fron the Edge.

Exploring the Myth of Medusa: A Personal Journey

25 Feb

Well, my art, i find, at the end of the day, is really very much all about myself, in the sense of some former me shining a light into places I’m meant to explore a little deeper… and sometimes it takes absolute years for me to meander ’round to an earlier excavation site.

So I find myself re experiencing the Myth of Medusa. Another Teaching Story, meant, like all good stories, to capture the Imagination of the child and thus allow the latent seeds of transformation to hitchhike, and eventually unfurl, far along the trajectory of a life.

I don’t remember what year it was when I drew this particular Medusa, but hey, she’s resonating with me presently.

The journey for me is already years-deep into the Forest Primeval, apprehending an ancient wound that disfigures boundaries, self- worth and my current purpose. How else to say it? Idk. My mind, when I’m inspired to draw, typically prefers to show what it cannot say.

  I think Im implying that if a picture can paint a thousand words, you can then imagine possibilities. This also is the eternal  beauty of myths. There really is no ‘right’ answer. And Wonder and Curiosity are close cousins to not knowing/being open.

Like Delphi, this open-ended brand of wisdom mainly leaves you to play in the gardens of your own fertile Imagination. And is this not the unconditioned mind? The crossroads where it’s very appropriate to allow yourself to wonder “What if…and then wait for direction. It’ll come. Yours. The direction meant for you. Not what your supposed to do. The direction you’ll walk in, the very present path life is offering you. Who you will become?

So there you have it. Medusa. I wonder what she says to me now? And, the wondering itself shows me a path I haven’t explored fully.

Buried treasure? Probs.

Celebrate My 61st Year with $61 Tarot Readings

13 Jan

🌹 I’m celebrating my 61st year 🌹with 61 dollar readings- now through Valentine’s Day! ❤️ These one-hour sessions are a space to explore tarot and moon symbolism, creating an opening for clarity, focus, and transformation. DM me to book your reading and step into this year with  some mighty balanced intentions❤️

Embracing Risk in Watercolor Art

1 Jan

So – I couldn’t wait- wanting to SEEEEEEE how this was gonna look IN COLOR. I just started watercoloring before this picture is even finished.  (I have never watercolored over graphite on such a big piece. (16 x 20) Yikes.)

I always find new approaches inherently risky. And that’s why I opt for it, artistically, anyway.  It pulls the rug out and makes me think on my feet. Use what I’ve got: Paint that’s lying around. Relying on my extremely rusty watercolor skill -set. Possibly ruining a picture that doesn’t really need any paint at all…

  i also think- God knows that as I’ve been Arting around since forever,  I’ve got a vague idea of the way forward, yet do not feel confident about my skills, this new thing I’m trying, and so I am finding myself disoriented.

(The fact that I have this gorgeous compilation of DANIEL SMITH watercolors just languishing is a huge motivator. The colors are so amazing. I got them 2 years ago, courtesy of a much appreciated Christmas gift certificate. I’ve decided to use them for this picture.)

Anyway, as I’m painting, my picture goes through my typical arc-  The it sucks or crappy phase-  which for me, I’ve learned, is often the most productive part of the creative act. It actually makes the risk more of an adventure as both my right and left brain come online together.

I know why I don’t feel right about it:

I dislike it because it doesn’t look like what it feels like in my mind. I don’t know what to do next. I’ve lost the plot.

What to do?  I mentally refresh all the feels by re-visiting these 5 questions, the exact same ones I asked myself as I was composing this picture several months ago;

Which way is it?

Where will things be placed- and why?

What are the most basic shapes?

Where is it?

Are there any?

Wondering about the basic premises I started with allows for a kind of hyper- focusing, and I can ‘see’ a way forward, a technique, a process. In other words, I know exactly what to do next.

I’m mighty glad I sucked it up and went out on the proverbial limb and was able to catch the next neural branching. Growth, learning, and expansion become possible mainly at the boundaries. The ecotones between what I know and what I don’t know. The fertile ground of possibilities.

Which is leading to a type of  NEW YEARS. 

RESOLUTION.

How about this: To make it a habit of mine to dwell here among possibilities, the unknown – and then choose the courageous thing.  If it’s true in art, is it true in life?!☘️

Happy New Year

May you be merry and bright🩷🥂💃🎂🙏🤣🐈‍⬛❄️❤️🐖🖍🤪😜🤣🧸☔️🔥🔥🦄

The foundation of my teaching! A cute little infographic❤️

Capturing Hidden Moments in Art

29 Dec

Work in Progress:

Work in progress

I am working on another large contemplative piece- 12 x 16 inch Fluid hot press watercolor paper.

🌚☔️The mood is suiting the grey reflective December day. Funny, I started this in the late summer, and all those colorful zinnias were my models. Now, I’m compelled to add the many small hidden things that lurk around in the background, only venturing out when it’s safe to be seen,   and that’s not usually in the bright light of day, summer or reason…
It’s lovely out in the woods today- 🧸🐻🧸🐻

(Haven’t counted them yet, knowing there are more on the way. Dr. Sue- you’re counting I bet.)

🖍👩‍🎨My intention for this is a full color, water-color, and colored pencil extravaganza. That’s my style/technique challenge for myself to improve my skills set.
❤️My other intention, the one that eternally motivates me, is the creation of a space that can quietly open a door. A space that can lead to wonder, ponderings, curiosity, and maybe a little healthy lostness. That’s my experience anyway. Entertaining  new possibilities in whatever form they may take verges on the adventurous.

Embrace Your Inner Artist: Tips for Creative Expression

17 Nov

Nothings been coming in for awhile…no forests in my head, been working on other things.

For instance, I’m turning my Graphite Toolkit class into an online course- it’s been so successful in helping other artists that I’m like why not? (Cause it’s a lot of work, that’s why not), but now I’ve got lesson plans, videos and I’m also teaching it ‘live’ on zoom one more time, to iron out the wrinkles. I really really really love teaching , so despite the hard core organization, technical difficulties, massive learning curve – this is SO worth it to me to put an effort towards.

AND! I’m putting together a draw-along video class for kids (you and your grandkids, etc,👩‍🎨)  download and print, follow along lessons you can do free on YouTube.

I’m telling you all this because this is happening for one reason, many moons in arriving. I am (finally) allowing myself to *just* be my crazy-ass artist self. It’s been a long road to get ‘here’, which is really only a very tiny shift in my perception and allowing of myself.

I tell you this as well. Joseph Campbell was correct when he mused, “Just do the thing that lights you up. And when you do, the whole world opens up to you. Unseen hands reach out from all quarters.” I paraphrase him – simply meaning that the help, opportunities, and connections are extraordinary in the sense of their ability to astound and delight me. I believe firmly we all have this inner spark- meant to jump start us when we most need it, to leap out of us and alight somewhere out there- a reflective collaborative Muse with our name on it.  Inspiration. The top-secret ingredient in a really glorious life. We’ve always known this, whispered it to each other across countless ages. Allowing yourself, as you, reach that tentative, tremored younger, gentler, more adventurous self out into this modern world

Get to know yourself again. Look around you and see what inspires you now. What takes your breath away? Stops you in your tracks. Feels wonder-ful. That sense of aliveness. This is the gift of The Muse. Not a drawing, a book, a song, or any creation, but expression.  The expression. The fuel of creativity. Creativity is a hallmark of humanity.

Get inspired.

Get to know yourself again, out in the world. Your reflection. I bet you find, like I am discovering now, all my friends accept me for exactly who I am. I’m the only one denying myself here. Bet it’s the same for you.

I think of the cave painting- the handprints of our distant ancestors on cavern walls- binding us in our individual expressions.  That spark that makes you, you – the differentiating part of us that allows for our individuality – our unique handprint. What inspires you to do what you do? Find that and you’re golden. No one can take it away, it’s like nothing else in the world, it’s for sure magically delicious and it’s the inner core of your be-ing-in-the-world. You can truly be none other than who-you-are.

Come act out in the world in the way that suits you best, the way that makes you happy, and the way that best nourishes your soul. The response for me has been not easy, but delightful, one I wish I hadn’t waited so long to experience.

I express myself through my art. That may not be the way you have chosen to express yourself. Coolio. Art isn’t just for artists. Inspiration is you in action. The Muse does not rest on her laurels often. She is come and gone. You’re the one that actually takes the next inspired step. She merely gets your attention with some possibilities. Then, when she’s gone, or maybe a little before, I pick up my pencils and I begin working on getting a little more of myself onto paper, out in the world, some graffiti for the collective walls.🙏❤️👩‍🎨

Embrace the Last Quarter Moon for Reflection

23 Oct
Last Quarter Moon

My silly little way to say hello and to let you know that tomorrow is the last 1/4 moon.

In terms of the cycle, it’s that time of the month for reflection and anticipation – likened to the caterpillar now in the chrysalis or the seed buried deep in the ground.  An excellent time for some quiet interior work, as a natural balance to our rather blustery out-in-the-worldness.

My questions:  What’s working? What’s not.
What am I keeping? What might I be willing to exchange for something else?
What have I outgrown? What do I seem to be growing into?

Nothing is for certain, here in the metaphorical darkness — the caterpillar and the seed are in flux — becoming something other than what they had been. Same for me… Another opportunity to participate in my own evolution. Or at least, witness it.

                  “And when I looked,
                                         the moon
                                    had turned to gold.”
                             
                                          ~Billie Holiday

Fierce Mother Love: A Meditation on Presence

11 Dec

That’s my working title anyway.

I saw/received/ had the idea for this drawing last week and sketched it out in the margin of some notes I was taking. I originally saw a bat in the central spot where the face is now. An upside down bat, like a gargoyle – I was thinking Gothic Cathedral, Notre Dame style gargoyles.

And now…a presence. This Presence. Oh my.

Certainly she’s been called a bat, a crone, a hag, an old lady. Probably worse. Most definitely worse.

All I know is that from where I sit, those word concepts do not jive with this Lady. This is fierce Mother Love. A uncompromising Love for Our Planet and Every Thing that dwells there upon. All encompassing. All devouring. All embracing. The prevailing wind.

That’s what this place, this cathedral forest seeks. Lovers of change, of motion, of life in the tumultuous moment. Those still centers that can witness Life in its endless cycling; unafraid.

Nurturing, holding, keeping, supporting, restoring, preparing, sustaining, soothing, reflecting: being with.

I am held. My new mantra.

I’ve finished two more forests and will post them soon-ish. These Forests are meditations, I think. Guides coming through? Hands/help reaching/piercing the veil. There are better metaphors maybe, but these work for now. For me, this drawing feels/confirms that I/we are not alone. And today, that is a very kind and welcome thought.

🙏❤️

Creative Community: Unleashing Joy at Paint and Sip Events

18 Sep

So paint and sip…


A demo is done on a huge easel in front of the group- the whole process is led, step by step- and an example of finished Art Work is on display to the group as well. All the tools you need are on the table in front of you. Name tags get you on a First Name Basis… with the whole room pretty much. 🤣

(So, You come in, sit down, chill, order a 🍷glass of something, get to know the peeps around you, listen to the 🎵 live music, settle in.
The venue helps:🐍Lou’s Lounge -after Eliza ‘Lou’ Ringling – snake-charming Ringling Sister to 🎪Ringling Brothers. The Ringlings are entagled with this place; The Dole – a historic mansion in Crystal Lake.

The idea: a bit of Surrender upfront to the process/flow of creating an art work. Something unknown and as yet unrealized by you. You see an end result – but yours may or may not come out like it. Certainly not exactly like it.
There is room for experimenting, augmenting, and making different choices.

The Follow Along orients you nicely to the work at hand, and also opens up a group flow, a group dynamic, and a level of connection with The Room.

After enough time, determined by you, the artist, you will Get the Hang of It = some confidence in your hand and the tools it holds. You /It becomes rhythmic, understandable, and now, you begin to add your own embellishments, touches, wonderings.

Tonight is not about practice, but execution; the making of some thing….encompassing a jazz band, friends old and new, lively chatter, and *doing* something creative, some thing tangible, using your hands, your body, all your senses -surrounded by others sharing the same experience.

🔥That’s the magic for me. It’s not often we express ourselves creatively in large groups together. Yet this is a very human, very ancient, very nurturing experience to have.

So yes, ‘Paint and Sip’… but really so much more, so much more potential to be had with this model. So much good can be done by creating together for ‘fun’. For Joy.

It’s who we are.
We were made to create-
and doing it together is a luxury.

#artist #paintandsip #thedole
#creativeartsclasses #community #artforhealing #sacredspace #nurturingself

Balancing Light and Dark: Lessons from the Moon Cycle

29 Mar


A little project of mine since forever.
In the cycle of the moon, it is the First Quarter Moon.
half light half dark
Balanced
Poised…
a choice point.
Tomorrow, I will walk out into my world under a Gibbous Moon, ideally, with a sense of wonder, delight, desire and adventure.
The word commitment is often paired with the1st Quarter Moon and for me it’s becoming a conscious commitment to the practice of ‘getting my heart in the right place’ – opening up and out to the World.

I’m making a deal with myself today, that I will try to pull back on my knee-jerk fears when they come up, and exchange fear for blessing- seeing what is in front of me, the situation, the person, the thing, each event, as it IS. I bless what is; unconditionally.


In theory, this attention will help attend to my shadow, in the moment, as it presents itself. My shadow side doesn’t respond well to the bright light of day, analysis, or reason.


I’m practicing this unconditional self love, figuring that this too is a skill that can be learned. So, the practice. Swap fear for love. And the deal is, it’s just for a lunar week.


And, the picture is Telephoros. An important symbol for this half and half day. He’s Part of my Anam Cara picture- from ages ago. He’s speaking to me again, bringing a soft glow to all the hidden bits.


Link to my post about telephoros: https://janetbalboa.com/2014/09/11/dwarfs-illumination-and-knowing-that-everything-matters/