Tag Archives: being present

Embracing Risk in Watercolor Art

1 Jan

So – I couldn’t wait- wanting to SEEEEEEE how this was gonna look IN COLOR. I just started watercoloring before this picture is even finished.  (I have never watercolored over graphite on such a big piece. (16 x 20) Yikes.)

I always find new approaches inherently risky. And that’s why I opt for it, artistically, anyway.  It pulls the rug out and makes me think on my feet. Use what I’ve got: Paint that’s lying around. Relying on my extremely rusty watercolor skill -set. Possibly ruining a picture that doesn’t really need any paint at all…

  i also think- God knows that as I’ve been Arting around since forever,  I’ve got a vague idea of the way forward, yet do not feel confident about my skills, this new thing I’m trying, and so I am finding myself disoriented.

(The fact that I have this gorgeous compilation of DANIEL SMITH watercolors just languishing is a huge motivator. The colors are so amazing. I got them 2 years ago, courtesy of a much appreciated Christmas gift certificate. I’ve decided to use them for this picture.)

Anyway, as I’m painting, my picture goes through my typical arc-  The it sucks or crappy phase-  which for me, I’ve learned, is often the most productive part of the creative act. It actually makes the risk more of an adventure as both my right and left brain come online together.

I know why I don’t feel right about it:

I dislike it because it doesn’t look like what it feels like in my mind. I don’t know what to do next. I’ve lost the plot.

What to do?  I mentally refresh all the feels by re-visiting these 5 questions, the exact same ones I asked myself as I was composing this picture several months ago;

Which way is it?

Where will things be placed- and why?

What are the most basic shapes?

Where is it?

Are there any?

Wondering about the basic premises I started with allows for a kind of hyper- focusing, and I can ‘see’ a way forward, a technique, a process. In other words, I know exactly what to do next.

I’m mighty glad I sucked it up and went out on the proverbial limb and was able to catch the next neural branching. Growth, learning, and expansion become possible mainly at the boundaries. The ecotones between what I know and what I don’t know. The fertile ground of possibilities.

Which is leading to a type of  NEW YEARS. 

RESOLUTION.

How about this: To make it a habit of mine to dwell here among possibilities, the unknown – and then choose the courageous thing.  If it’s true in art, is it true in life?!☘️

Happy New Year

May you be merry and bright🩷🥂💃🎂🙏🤣🐈‍⬛❄️❤️🐖🖍🤪😜🤣🧸☔️🔥🔥🦄

The foundation of my teaching! A cute little infographic❤️

Capturing Hidden Moments in Art

29 Dec

Work in Progress:

Work in progress

I am working on another large contemplative piece- 12 x 16 inch Fluid hot press watercolor paper.

🌚☔️The mood is suiting the grey reflective December day. Funny, I started this in the late summer, and all those colorful zinnias were my models. Now, I’m compelled to add the many small hidden things that lurk around in the background, only venturing out when it’s safe to be seen,   and that’s not usually in the bright light of day, summer or reason…
It’s lovely out in the woods today- 🧸🐻🧸🐻

(Haven’t counted them yet, knowing there are more on the way. Dr. Sue- you’re counting I bet.)

🖍👩‍🎨My intention for this is a full color, water-color, and colored pencil extravaganza. That’s my style/technique challenge for myself to improve my skills set.
❤️My other intention, the one that eternally motivates me, is the creation of a space that can quietly open a door. A space that can lead to wonder, ponderings, curiosity, and maybe a little healthy lostness. That’s my experience anyway. Entertaining  new possibilities in whatever form they may take verges on the adventurous.

Embrace Your Inner Artist: Tips for Creative Expression

17 Nov

Nothings been coming in for awhile…no forests in my head, been working on other things.

For instance, I’m turning my Graphite Toolkit class into an online course- it’s been so successful in helping other artists that I’m like why not? (Cause it’s a lot of work, that’s why not), but now I’ve got lesson plans, videos and I’m also teaching it ‘live’ on zoom one more time, to iron out the wrinkles. I really really really love teaching , so despite the hard core organization, technical difficulties, massive learning curve – this is SO worth it to me to put an effort towards.

AND! I’m putting together a draw-along video class for kids (you and your grandkids, etc,👩‍🎨)  download and print, follow along lessons you can do free on YouTube.

I’m telling you all this because this is happening for one reason, many moons in arriving. I am (finally) allowing myself to *just* be my crazy-ass artist self. It’s been a long road to get ‘here’, which is really only a very tiny shift in my perception and allowing of myself.

I tell you this as well. Joseph Campbell was correct when he mused, “Just do the thing that lights you up. And when you do, the whole world opens up to you. Unseen hands reach out from all quarters.” I paraphrase him – simply meaning that the help, opportunities, and connections are extraordinary in the sense of their ability to astound and delight me. I believe firmly we all have this inner spark- meant to jump start us when we most need it, to leap out of us and alight somewhere out there- a reflective collaborative Muse with our name on it.  Inspiration. The top-secret ingredient in a really glorious life. We’ve always known this, whispered it to each other across countless ages. Allowing yourself, as you, reach that tentative, tremored younger, gentler, more adventurous self out into this modern world

Get to know yourself again. Look around you and see what inspires you now. What takes your breath away? Stops you in your tracks. Feels wonder-ful. That sense of aliveness. This is the gift of The Muse. Not a drawing, a book, a song, or any creation, but expression.  The expression. The fuel of creativity. Creativity is a hallmark of humanity.

Get inspired.

Get to know yourself again, out in the world. Your reflection. I bet you find, like I am discovering now, all my friends accept me for exactly who I am. I’m the only one denying myself here. Bet it’s the same for you.

I think of the cave painting- the handprints of our distant ancestors on cavern walls- binding us in our individual expressions.  That spark that makes you, you – the differentiating part of us that allows for our individuality – our unique handprint. What inspires you to do what you do? Find that and you’re golden. No one can take it away, it’s like nothing else in the world, it’s for sure magically delicious and it’s the inner core of your be-ing-in-the-world. You can truly be none other than who-you-are.

Come act out in the world in the way that suits you best, the way that makes you happy, and the way that best nourishes your soul. The response for me has been not easy, but delightful, one I wish I hadn’t waited so long to experience.

I express myself through my art. That may not be the way you have chosen to express yourself. Coolio. Art isn’t just for artists. Inspiration is you in action. The Muse does not rest on her laurels often. She is come and gone. You’re the one that actually takes the next inspired step. She merely gets your attention with some possibilities. Then, when she’s gone, or maybe a little before, I pick up my pencils and I begin working on getting a little more of myself onto paper, out in the world, some graffiti for the collective walls.🙏❤️👩‍🎨

Transform Your Inner Narrative for Personal Growth

18 Aug

curation (n.)

late 14c., curacioun, “curing of disease, restoration to health,” from Old French curacion “treatment of illness,” from Latin curationem, “a taking care, attention, management,”

I happened across  Bruce Liptons’ video on healing yesterday, and he’s made me wonder about the ultimate flexibility of my emotional  attachments to my early behavioral patterns and beliefs. The very elements and images that compose the stories I whisper to myself.

It’s made me play around more deeply with the concept that my internal narration story is not all mine, never could have been all mine… and better yet, how I might be able to actually use this intel to reset my narrative to one that’s far kinder for me personally and for the world at large.

I tend to entertain the idea that my personal narrative expresses as “who-i-am-what-surrounds-me”.

Or, my self/world is a reflection. A very reciprocal arrangement.

In this sense, I’m already years deep into an effort to create a story that suits this “grown-up” (debatable) me, reflects how I feel now, with my adult size intellect, body, and emotions- all aligned in a healthy relationship.

So back to Bruce.

IF we are influenced by our mothers’ emotional state in utero, if she’s afraid or jubilant – or anywhere in between – she shares the chemical signature of that emotion with us through our shared blood. We learn the chemical signature of the emotion. According to Bruce, our brain is in a receptive theta brain wave state until the ripe old age of age 7. In utero and out, we simply absorb, without thinking,  emotional feeling states and patterns of behavior. Little sponges.

As kids, we repeat what we are exposed to, so voila – here are my habits laid out before me. I suspect these habits are all nicely aligned with my beliefs at levels seen and unseen…and I can change them.

I add to all this intrigue Michael Egnors‘ observation on ‘free won’t’- 

‘…it isn’t so much that you have free will but you have free won’t. That is, you have the ability to decide whether or not you are going to comply with what your brain is urging you to do.

So I wonder:

1) IF I am able to decide NOT to act on a brain urge (one of my ‘subconscious’ impulses) for example, a pattern/habit that I have inherited; let’s say fruitless worrying- it seems that by

2) noticing the urge/pattern as it arises and changing my behavior in response,

I would begin to effectively change/disrupt the ‘set’ habitual story/pattern I que up unconsciously and thus create a new experience for myself/world.

So my real-life experiment looks like this:  I catch myself in my habitual act of fruitless worrying and consciously decide to NOT run this pattern/narrative, choosing to tend to a *new* non-conditioned version of myself. I stop and curate my experience with these questions:

What am I intending? Where am I directing my thoughts? Past? Present? Future? Here or There?

What vibe am I emitting? What is my chemical signature? More toward fear or love? Open or Closed?

I reason that if I can get clarity on my thoughts and emotions, I can choose a new pattern of behavior that will with practice, become the new me.

Re-writing my programming. Telling a new story. Forming new habits…

-and the kicker is I have no exactly no idea how this change will reflect back to me except in kind- if I am open and present, I will be pleasantly surprised.

If I’m closed and not present, it will be a different story altogether.

Balancing Light and Dark: Lessons from the Moon Cycle

29 Mar


A little project of mine since forever.
In the cycle of the moon, it is the First Quarter Moon.
half light half dark
Balanced
Poised…
a choice point.
Tomorrow, I will walk out into my world under a Gibbous Moon, ideally, with a sense of wonder, delight, desire and adventure.
The word commitment is often paired with the1st Quarter Moon and for me it’s becoming a conscious commitment to the practice of ‘getting my heart in the right place’ – opening up and out to the World.

I’m making a deal with myself today, that I will try to pull back on my knee-jerk fears when they come up, and exchange fear for blessing- seeing what is in front of me, the situation, the person, the thing, each event, as it IS. I bless what is; unconditionally.


In theory, this attention will help attend to my shadow, in the moment, as it presents itself. My shadow side doesn’t respond well to the bright light of day, analysis, or reason.


I’m practicing this unconditional self love, figuring that this too is a skill that can be learned. So, the practice. Swap fear for love. And the deal is, it’s just for a lunar week.


And, the picture is Telephoros. An important symbol for this half and half day. He’s Part of my Anam Cara picture- from ages ago. He’s speaking to me again, bringing a soft glow to all the hidden bits.


Link to my post about telephoros: https://janetbalboa.com/2014/09/11/dwarfs-illumination-and-knowing-that-everything-matters/

Art Inspiration from Puerto Vallarta Tapestry Scarves

23 Mar

I think she’s here. Have another layer of white pencil to do- that’s it for her face, I think. It for now anyway.

Excited for background- purples, fuschias, lime greens…

Have these gorgeous tapestry scarves- I photographed them in the airport in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. So some inspiration for the foliage on black background.

My Muse wants me.

8 Mar

we-can-do-it

There is a lovely story told of Monet as he sat deep in thought in his garden. His neighbor looked over the fence at him and said “Ah, the life of the artist – all rest and repose.”   Monet looked up in surprise and replied “No, you see, I am hard at work now. It is when you see me finally painting that all the work has been done. This composing, the pulling what I see to the canvas, this is the work my friend.”

I say this because every time I start something new there is a nasty bit of time where frustration and impatience threaten to end my creation even before it begins.

Frustrated by the inevitable loss of something in the translation from feeling/experience to manifest image, I lose my connection.

Frustrated by the fact that I don’t see clearly enough, I lose my connection.

Frustrated that I am ‘wasting time’, I lose my connection.

Meanwhile, my Muse patiently picks at her gel nail tips waiting for my return to the task at hand. It’s  gonna happen. We know each other. We have a dance worked out.

I am greatly relieved to remember Monet and his understanding of the role of the artist in the attitude, preparation and conception of any creation. The necessary hard work which often deteriorates into courting, begging and flat –out threatening of the muse. My Muse, in addition to her traditional role as bringer of inspiration, has also taken on the admirable qualities of any good bartender/bouncer. She listens patiently, nods, encourages, yet will swiftly cut me off if I threaten unconsciousness. 14280-last-judgment-michelangelo-buonarrotiAncient muses were lovely, slender ethereal beings. Looking more like one of Michelangelo’s manly, robust gals, my muse is fully prepared and willing to kick my ass.  At first I was a bit put off by the tattoos and piercings, but I realize why she has had to toughen up.

We don’t take our muses seriously anymore. Only a century ago, Thoreau, Yeats, and Emerson walked endlessly across the countryside courting, pondering; thinking. Einstein takes a menial job so that he has time to think. Monet sits in the sun.

Time is a luxury. I know this. We say we don’t have the time. But time contains within it eternity. It takes only an instant for a sunset to move us to awe, the grateful look of a child can bring us to tears in a heartbeat, and lovers can show us the face of god.

Forget about time. I’m talking about attitude. Being open to the mystery, the awe, the wonder – Muses have always been irresistibly attracted to this type of human. If working out gets you into your creative grove, do it. If volunteering at your kid’s school gets your compassion going, be there. If having a glass of red and staring at a blank canvas gets you in the moment, do that. Cranking up the music on the drive home? Cooking gourmet dinners? Sitting in a garden? Do whatever it takes to show up.

Maybe art isn’t your thing. But if you are human, creativity is your thing. Your Muse is here. Waiting and a little impatient I might add. Tough gals now, appearing with sleeves rolled up and ready for work. Try to be there when she shows up.

So work it. Work the attitude. Spend time doing things that engage you with the mystery that is beyond, around, and within us all. If you can bring just one bit of that wonder and awe down here to earth, you have served us all well. Court the Muses, create space for their whisperings. (Yeah, unfortunately they still whisper. Seriously? Who whispers anymore?)

And if you don’t want to take my word for it, my other Muse whispers this:

It seems to me that it’s the work of poets and artists to know what the world-image of today is, and to render it as the old seers did theirs. The prophets rendered it as a manifestation of the transcendent principle. That’s what we lack today, really. I think poets and artists who speak of the mystery are rare. There’s been so much social criticism of our arts, which is just one facet. But the other function of the poet – that of opening the mystery dimension – has been, with few great exceptions, forgotten. I think that what we lack, really, isn’t science but poetry that reveals what the heart is ready to recognize. ~joseph campbell

We are here. Whatever the reason. Our only real job is to show up and be open to inspiration. We don’t get to choose to be inspired; it’s hard- wired into our nature. It has always chosen us. Let her find you ready to work when she comes.