Well, my art, i find, at the end of the day, is really very much all about myself, in the sense of some former me shining a light into places I’m meant to explore a little deeper… and sometimes it takes absolute years for me to meander ’round to an earlier excavation site.
So I find myself re experiencing the Myth of Medusa. Another Teaching Story, meant, like all good stories, to capture the Imagination of the child and thus allow the latent seeds of transformation to hitchhike, and eventually unfurl, far along the trajectory of a life.
I don’t remember what year it was when I drew this particular Medusa, but hey, she’s resonating with me presently.
The journey for me is already years-deep into the Forest Primeval, apprehending an ancient wound that disfigures boundaries, self- worth and my current purpose. How else to say it? Idk. My mind, when I’m inspired to draw, typically prefers to show what it cannot say.
I think Im implying that if a picture can paint a thousand words, you can then imagine possibilities. This also is the eternal beauty of myths. There really is no ‘right’ answer. And Wonder and Curiosity are close cousins to not knowing/being open.
Like Delphi, this open-ended brand of wisdom mainly leaves you to play in the gardens of your own fertile Imagination. And is this not the unconditioned mind? The crossroads where it’s very appropriate to allow yourself to wonder “What if…and then wait for direction. It’ll come. Yours. The direction meant for you. Not what your supposed to do. The direction you’ll walk in, the very present path life is offering you. Who you will become?
So there you have it. Medusa. I wonder what she says to me now? And, the wondering itself shows me a path I haven’t explored fully.
I am working on another large contemplative piece- 12 x 16 inch Fluid hot press watercolor paper.
đâď¸The mood is suiting the grey reflective December day. Funny, I started this in the late summer, and all those colorful zinnias were my models. Now, I’m compelled to add the many small hidden things that lurk around in the background, only venturing out when it’s safe to be seen,  and that’s not usually in the bright light of day, summer or reason… It’s lovely out in the woods today- đ§¸đťđ§¸đť
(Haven’t counted them yet, knowing there are more on the way. Dr. Sue- you’re counting I bet.)
đđŠâđ¨My intention for this is a full color, water-color, and colored pencil extravaganza. That’s my style/technique challenge for myself to improve my skills set. â¤ď¸My other intention, the one that eternally motivates me, is the creation of a space that can quietly open a door. A space that can lead to wonder, ponderings, curiosity, and maybe a little healthy lostness. That’s my experience anyway. Entertaining new possibilities in whatever form they may take verges on the adventurous.
late 14c., curacioun, “curing of disease, restoration to health,” from Old French curacion “treatment of illness,” from Latin curationem, “a taking care, attention, management,”
I happened across Bruce Liptons’ video on healing yesterday, and he’s made me wonder about the ultimate flexibility of my emotional attachments to my early behavioral patterns and beliefs. The very elements and images that compose the stories I whisper to myself.
It’s made me play around more deeply with the concept that my internal narration story is not all mine, never could have been all mine… and better yet, how I might be able to actually use this intel to reset my narrative to one that’s far kinder for me personally and for the world at large.
I tend to entertain the idea that my personal narrative expresses as “who-i-am-what-surrounds-me”.
Or, my self/world is a reflection. A very reciprocal arrangement.
In this sense, I’m already years deep into an effort to create a story that suits this “grown-up” (debatable) me, reflects how I feel now, with my adult size intellect, body, and emotions- all aligned in a healthy relationship.
So back to Bruce.
IF we are influenced by our mothers’ emotional state in utero, if she’s afraid or jubilant – or anywhere in between – she shares the chemical signature of that emotion with us through our shared blood. We learn the chemical signature of the emotion. According to Bruce, our brain is in a receptive theta brain wave state until the ripe old age of age 7. In utero and out, we simply absorb, without thinking, emotional feeling states and patterns of behavior. Little sponges.
As kids, we repeat what we are exposed to, so voila – here are my habits laid out before me. I suspect these habits are all nicely aligned with my beliefs at levels seen and unseen…and I can change them.
I add to all this intrigue Michael Egnors‘ observation on ‘free won’t’-
‘…it isn’t so much that you have free will but you have free wonât. That is, you have the ability to decide whether or not you are going to comply with what your brain is urging you to do.‘
So I wonder:
1) IF I am able to decide NOT to act on a brain urge (one of my ‘subconscious’ impulses) for example, a pattern/habit that I have inherited; let’s say fruitless worrying- it seems that by
2) noticing the urge/pattern as it arises and changing my behavior in response,
I would begin to effectively change/disrupt the ‘set’ habitual story/pattern I que up unconsciously and thus create a new experience for myself/world.
So my real-life experiment looks like this: I catch myself in my habitual act of fruitless worrying and consciously decide to NOT run this pattern/narrative, choosing to tend to a *new* non-conditioned version of myself. I stop and curate my experience with these questions:
What am I intending? Where am I directing my thoughts? Past? Present? Future? Here or There?
What vibe am I emitting? What is my chemical signature? More toward fear or love? Open or Closed?
I reason that if I can get clarity on my thoughts and emotions, I can choose a new pattern of behavior that will with practice, become the new me.
Re-writing my programming. Telling a new story. Forming new habits…
-and the kicker is I have no exactly no idea how this change will reflect back to me except in kind- if I am open and present, I will be pleasantly surprised.
If I’m closed and not present, it will be a different story altogether.
A little project of mine since forever. In the cycle of the moon, it is the First Quarter Moon. half light half dark Balanced Poised… a choice point. Tomorrow, I will walk out into my world under a Gibbous Moon, ideally, with a sense of wonder, delight, desire and adventure. The word commitment is often paired with the1st Quarter Moon and for me it’s becoming a conscious commitment to the practice of ‘getting my heart in the right place’ – opening up and out to the World.
I’m making a deal with myself today, that I will try to pull back on my knee-jerk fears when they come up, and exchange fear for blessing- seeing what is in front of me, the situation, the person, the thing, each event, as it IS. I bless what is; unconditionally.
In theory, this attention will help attend to my shadow, in the moment, as it presents itself. My shadow side doesn’t respond well to the bright light of day, analysis, or reason.
I’m practicing this unconditional self love, figuring that this too is a skill that can be learned. So, the practice. Swap fear for love. And the deal is, it’s just for a lunar week.
And, the picture is Telephoros. An important symbol for this half and half day. He’s Part of my Anam Cara picture- from ages ago. He’s speaking to me again, bringing a soft glow to all the hidden bits.
The old paradigm is finding a place for ourselves in the world. The new paradigm is finding a place for the world in ourselves. -Marianne Williamson
The higher youâre going to fly in life, the less dead weight you can carry. Many old beliefs can be re-evaluated. For instance, my third grade teacher once said to me that I was obnoxious. Granted, it was an understatement, however, it became a die-hard belief. I went through years of obnoxious. Does it apply to me now? Or is it out- dated and better dropped altogether? Can I replace it with a new belief that supports and empowers who I am now? âI am obnoxiousâ could become âI am full of energy’. Â And, when youâre over forty, thatâs a good thing.
See your situation; recognize the beliefs that are creating it, and replace them with ones that serve who you are now. You can drop the beliefs completely, but sometimes itâs easier initially, to replace them with something supportive. Retrain your mind. Stop creating the drama that results from living out of unconscious, out-dated beliefs. Itâs where you place your attention that makes the difference. Itâs your choice. Stop paying attention to beliefs that hold you back and start focusing on beliefs that help you on your chosen path.
Accept your life exactly as it is right now. Accept your past, and examine the beliefs that have got you where you are. Change them if need be. Agree to love yourself right here, right now. There is no one else like you on the planet. You are perfectly yourself. Get back in the flow of life by accepting âwhat-isâ. Remember, life is always moving forward. Donât get stuck in the backwaters suffering with resentment and fear. Get back in the current as quickly as possible. Those backwaters are loaded with bitter, resentful people who watch life go by, suffering endlessly and pointlessly.
Real suffering, conscious suffering, takes place when you go through the necessary pain of changing your beliefs. They are beloved to you– old friends. Many were created unconsciously to protect you. You are big enough to choose beliefs more in keeping with who you are now. The suffering is in the letting go. But once you let go of the past and those worn-out beliefs, you are released. The only way to be truly present, and truly free, is to accept life as it is, fresh, ever changing. When you try to make any of life, as such, conform to your âbelief systemâ, you are tying it down, holding it still. Water that doesnât move stagnates. Allow yourself to flow along with life. Gracefully turn over your false sense of control to the bigger force that is unfolding the Universe, exactly as it needs to be, yourself included.
As you exchange old beliefs for new, see this letting go for what it is: a temporary return to chaos. You are inviting change. Change is by nature unsettling. In the growth required to adopt a new set of beliefs, there is a large spurt of expansion and activity. It is followed by a rebalancing time of contracting; a time of stillness, to allow the pieces to reform into a coherent picture. The seeds of transformation are present in chaos. As a caterpillar experiences the soupy breakdown of its caterpillar being, new cells, called imaginal cells begin to multiply. These cells multiply and overwhelm the immune system. The caterpillar actually liquifies. Finally, the imaginal cells gather, differentiate and form and entirely new creature– the butterfly. Everything is put back together in a new, dynamic, updated version. We must die to our old self to be born into our true nature and destiny.
Trust that life is carrying you. Youâre beginning to become conscious of how harshly the manifestation caused by your old beliefs cut you off from your source, how your old beliefs truly did not serve you. Youâre going to experience bouts of chaos. Out of chaos emerges re-organization, a birthing–new life. Soon, you will recognize this cycle and welcome the exciting growth period and accept the unsettling/re-settling period as just as necessary. While you are in chaos, new strengths are forged and merged. You become more.
Real change requires a deep inner shift. If you start lifting weights, you wouldn’t expect to see results right away. Deep muscle change occurs first, unseen. A lot of your initial progress will be internal and invisible. Donât get discouraged. Your job is to establish new connections in the direction of joy. All you may be able to muster up at first is feeling better; not so out of control. A far cry from joy, but itâs authentic, a new reaction, creating the beginnings of a new way of responding to the world.
The Journey 