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Embrace the Crescent Moon: A Week of Inner Work

21 Nov

The Dance of the Crescent Moon lasts about a week – on a calendar it’s roughly 7 days. Bounded by the New Moon and the First Quarter Moon, lies a sequence that invites us to remain comfortably introspective, more ‘dark’ than ‘light’, more soft than hard. More open than closed; dreaming of color; tilting at our collective windmills.

“reculer pour mieux sauter”, a French phrase often translated as ‘taking a step backwards in order to jump further forward’. I have had this idea of a bow being drawn back, and how that backwards stretching will inevitably impact how fast and far the arrow will travel. There is a tension here, a purposeful building and storing of energy – until the right moment comes along, and the arrow flies.

This Crescent Sequence affords us a week, roughly, to look around at our lives and really notice the set and the setting that we participate in and with. We have time and space now, time for tweaks, considerations, last minute changes, before the house lights go down and the curtain goes up. Attention lavished here builds like the tension in the bow. This tension signals a certain getting readiness, it is preparation, and its goal is the nothing less than the target.

The target in our case, is the First Quarter Moon. For now, we prepare ourselves. These are the days of actively watching for synchronicity and serendipity, listening to whispers from within, practicing openness and graciousness to what is coming towards us. Taking stock of what is around us, within us, and how these things may be related.

Often called shadow work, this lunar inspired period of intentional tension building, observed consciously, allows us to metaphorically send a tap root down deep into our own soft, rich pay-dirt. All around us, sap is running low, tides are low, the darkness of crescent moon is still holding more dark than the light it reflects.

According to many traditions, this is also a time where we can access our own rich inner darkness, with the support and confidence of our ancestors, our lineage… for who else could make up the very soil we stand upon today? The actual people, those who make up our family tree- unique to each of us, -our ancestors – the rich body wisdom, of our powerful tribe. Accessable.

Regardless of what is happening on the surface of our lives, here in the depths is the opportunity to ground deep into ourselves, work with our ancestors, our lineage, our essential callings.

Everything originates here, with the inner work; out there in ‘reality’ we play out/experience the story of our interior life. Take this week, this sequence to listen to what is be percolating down in the deep. The tap root of the mightiest oak starts as a little filament, hardly visible to the naked eye. Eventually it will anchor the tree; drawing nutrients and water from deep within the earth. In our hurried minds, the urge to let the the show begin before the stage has been set, – all this has a time and place. But that time is not now. Draw back instead, and take pause. Observe. Notice. Listen.

Building this tension, cultivating your energy – this is a Master Level Life Skill. And learning a new skill usually requires Attention and Repetition. Which can suck. I personally whine a lot in the early stages of any change, let alone- god forbid, something new.

So the good news is this; The crescent moon, long associated with gestation and rising energy, is NOT about learning. All She asks of you is to have faith in your process, relax a little, (soft body; deep breath) and give yourself some space.

This monthly retrograde movement of intentionally heads us back into the mix. We can better spring forth. With this calmness in our personal inner world, the vibration we are constantly emitting into our collective field(s) is cleaner as well.

and remember…

Tension and Discomfort are the persistent feeling of incompetence as we get better at a skill.
~Seth Godin

The Energy of Asking: How to Create Opportunities

10 Aug

A Field Guide for Possibility

How about an ontological approach to requesting, inviting, and creating flow? – (this from deepdown in the back 80 acres of my mind, where I’ve been away vision-questing for some while now. this being prompted by the Soul Collab I’m co-facilitating with Andreas Mannal. It makes sense to me, but/and I am very conditioned by the Old Mode. hard to shift old habits: teaching causes me to learn: sharing results in dialogues of possibility. That’s pretty much my end-game. We get some new energy going around all the things.)

Well, isn’t that special?

1. The Old Mode: Why Fear & History Don’t Work

When we ask from lack, fear, or “historical data” (past disappointments, proof it won’t work, stories of failure), we:

• Narrow the field of possibility to what has already been.

• Invite resistance (in ourselves and others).

• Unconsciously signal I already believe the answer is no.

Ontological translation: Being “history-bound” is being closed. The world can only show us what we have already known.

2. The Shift: Being Before Asking

It’s always very matchy-matchy… the people, situation, circumstance or event vibes along the ley lines of the energy you bring.  (plant tomato seeds=harvest tomatoes, garbage in, garbage out, etc.)

The same is true of any “ask.”

The ontological order is:

1. Be — step into the stance of openness, curiosity, and invitation.

2. See — perceive from that stance (possibility, not probability).

3. Speak — let the words carry the energy you are already being.

Your “ask” is simply the spoken surface of an already existing energy field you have stepped into.

3. The Stance of the Ask

Think of three energetic postures before you open your mouth (or type your words):

• Possibility: “This could be a doorway to something we haven’t seen yet.”

• Generosity: “This is an offering, not a demand.”

• Adventure: “Let’s find out what happens when we say yes to the unknown.”

These stances change the feel of the ask from “take from you” to “expand us both.”

4. An Ask Formula (Ontological Edition)

Step 1 — Declare the context

Name the shared possibility you’re standing in.

Example: “I’m exploring ways to bring more [beauty / connection / transformation] into the world.”

Step 2 — Invite participation

Frame the ask as a co-creation, not a transaction.

Example: “I’d love to explore with you how we might…”

Step 3 — Leave space

Don’t load it with expectation or attachment to the outcome.

Examples: “What comes to mind for you?” or “Does this feel like something you’d be excited about?”

This creates an open field rather than a binary yes/no trap.

5. The Energy Check Before You Ask

Ask yourself:

• Am I trying to get or am I creating an opening?

• Does my body feel tight or expansive?

• Am I speaking from now/future or from past data?

If the answer is “past,” pause, breathe, and re-enter the stance of possibility.

6. Why This Works

When you are being the possibility, the ask is no longer a test of your worth — it’s an extension of the reality you’re already inhabiting. People, the situation, circumstance or event (all the things) respond differently because:

• There is an invitation rather than cornering.

• There is space co-creativity.

• The energy is light, not needy. Resonant. Redolent. Radiant.

7. A Practice to Rehearse

Before each ask, speak this to yourself silently or softly aloud:

I am the opening
I invite adventure
I release history
This is an invitation to create what was not possible until now…

Then make the ask as if the possibility is already real.

Let me know how this goes for you. I’m in curious/wondering, just because of the possibilities. And, since it’s the Full Moon, and I’m all about that, here’s a mandala I drew, for the full moon. Download and print onto card stock, then color. (There is for sure some shadowing, my erased guidelines. Once colored over, I didn’t notice them anymore.)

“Doing” art is an ancient and rather proven recipe for calming (tf) down. Have at it.

Understanding Validation: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

5 Aug validation is a feeling state. and it's a lovely one to have.

Validation is the act of giving validity. And what’s valid here are the concepts of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness. Real world attributes.

In its bones, validation is not a compliment or approval. It is a recognition of my reality. Who I already am if I would just allow that I’m actually here. I have happened. My life actually is happening. I’m not crazy; I’m valid. I can acknowledge my existence without the feeling of having to continually prove it by performing, doing, achieving, yada, yada…

The moment of being validated feels like this:

  • A slight pause, a deep inhale – like someone finally sees what’s been heavy inside me.
  • A dropping of armor. Shoulders soften.
  • Maybe a hot, quiet ache in my chest, or a tingling in my eyes – the kind that precedes tears, not from sadness, but from relief.
  • A spark of uprightness in my spine, not puffed-up ego, but a real sense of embodied wholeness.
  • The knowing that I no longer have to fight to be ‘real’.

Well, how about them apples?

Validation is a mirror that doesn’t distort, doesn’t add, doesn’t subtract. It simply says:

‘Yes. That happened. You felt that. That’s real. You are real.’

Validation really, truly then is a feeling state, one that will bloom beautifully – from the inside out.

It is a breaking forth of my own inherent reality –   the pressure of ‘not being seen’ has finally found release. It is an exhale after holding my breath – it’s not approval, see? It’s me finally unclenching. Allowing my own personal treasure trove of dominion, ability, effectiveness, strength, and worthiness to be revealed; made visible. Perceived as already present. Like Michelangelo looking deep into that marble and seeing what was already there.

Validation returns me to myself, you to yourself. It doesn’t add anything – it simply stops the hemorrhage of energy spent proving you exist.

I imagine a hand placed lightly over my heart. Or a nod – slow, deliberate…

“I am here.”

Or even an intentional silence that holds space rather than fills it.

Relax. Ground down deeply into your own presence. Simply be.

New beginnings..from endings

26 Jun

Why don’t I do what I want to do? Why am I afraid? This New Moon, I’m planting seeds of desire. Because who really wants to plant seeds of discord that will reflect back the same? No thanks.

So, by posting this video (below), which may be bad, or good- the point for me was to post it. To post a video for new moon. On the new moon. Not about the moon per se, but the cycle it represents, that of preparation for the understanding that Life is very much inclusive of this thing we call Death.

If you’ve watched it, the absolute clincher for me in actually sucking it up and deciding to post it was that my intended length was 11 minutes. Voila, the video clocks in at 11:08. oy.

This for sure today, was the thing that scared me most. A done deal, no justifications necessary for my intellect, terrifying to my emotions. What if I suck…I’m not an expert…Oh fer feks sek. Get over it.

That said, my mom’s dementia scares me, and the fact that on her discharge papers from the hospital yesterday, it clearly states she was admitted with DVT (deep vein thrombosis) in pregnancy.

WTliteralF.

I’m gonna have a sibling! Matt’s gonna be a middle child! Dear God. She’s 87.

Anyway, it gave us a laugh in an otherwise fraught two weeks. Oliver if it’s a boy, Bethany for a girl…

So that thing you want to do? The Thing that is so clearly your next step? The thing that only you know how to do? The thing you cannot do? Just Do It. (no diggety)

Find that person who will gently nudge you in the right direction. That person that when you look them directly in the eyes will tell you: Yes. It may be scary, may require laying down a burden of past beliefs, probably requires a whole new outlook. But yes, you are indeed the only one suited for the job. No one else can ‘do’ your next step. Likewise, this time, no one else (but you) can look you square in the eyes and say ‘It’s go time.’ 

my podcast beginning… Notes fron the Edge.

Exploring Roger Pilkington’s Spellbinding Books

24 Oct

Ok. Roger Pilkington (related to Karl?!)
Now, to be serious
Regarding really excellent books that catch me up — hook, line and sinker. Books that really move me experientially–
Roger Pilkington:
This writing is so very spell-binding for me. His style, humor,  knowledge…he captivates me. I’ve learned so much while “aboard” his boat, the Thames Commodore.
Driftless– my new read, promises this already…Rhodes dives right into the deep geology of the Driftless Region, starting with the story of the Land itself.

I’m just moving back here to my blog. It needs help- I’m working on it after much neglect. I’ve been mainly on FB and IG these past few years. Hello again(!), as I begin sweeping out the cobwebs…

G

Embrace the Last Quarter Moon for Reflection

23 Oct
Last Quarter Moon

My silly little way to say hello and to let you know that tomorrow is the last 1/4 moon.

In terms of the cycle, it’s that time of the month for reflection and anticipation – likened to the caterpillar now in the chrysalis or the seed buried deep in the ground.  An excellent time for some quiet interior work, as a natural balance to our rather blustery out-in-the-worldness.

My questions:  What’s working? What’s not.
What am I keeping? What might I be willing to exchange for something else?
What have I outgrown? What do I seem to be growing into?

Nothing is for certain, here in the metaphorical darkness — the caterpillar and the seed are in flux — becoming something other than what they had been. Same for me… Another opportunity to participate in my own evolution. Or at least, witness it.

                  “And when I looked,
                                         the moon
                                    had turned to gold.”
                             
                                          ~Billie Holiday

Transform Your Inner Narrative for Personal Growth

18 Aug

curation (n.)

late 14c., curacioun, “curing of disease, restoration to health,” from Old French curacion “treatment of illness,” from Latin curationem, “a taking care, attention, management,”

I happened across  Bruce Liptons’ video on healing yesterday, and he’s made me wonder about the ultimate flexibility of my emotional  attachments to my early behavioral patterns and beliefs. The very elements and images that compose the stories I whisper to myself.

It’s made me play around more deeply with the concept that my internal narration story is not all mine, never could have been all mine… and better yet, how I might be able to actually use this intel to reset my narrative to one that’s far kinder for me personally and for the world at large.

I tend to entertain the idea that my personal narrative expresses as “who-i-am-what-surrounds-me”.

Or, my self/world is a reflection. A very reciprocal arrangement.

In this sense, I’m already years deep into an effort to create a story that suits this “grown-up” (debatable) me, reflects how I feel now, with my adult size intellect, body, and emotions- all aligned in a healthy relationship.

So back to Bruce.

IF we are influenced by our mothers’ emotional state in utero, if she’s afraid or jubilant – or anywhere in between – she shares the chemical signature of that emotion with us through our shared blood. We learn the chemical signature of the emotion. According to Bruce, our brain is in a receptive theta brain wave state until the ripe old age of age 7. In utero and out, we simply absorb, without thinking,  emotional feeling states and patterns of behavior. Little sponges.

As kids, we repeat what we are exposed to, so voila – here are my habits laid out before me. I suspect these habits are all nicely aligned with my beliefs at levels seen and unseen…and I can change them.

I add to all this intrigue Michael Egnors‘ observation on ‘free won’t’- 

‘…it isn’t so much that you have free will but you have free won’t. That is, you have the ability to decide whether or not you are going to comply with what your brain is urging you to do.

So I wonder:

1) IF I am able to decide NOT to act on a brain urge (one of my ‘subconscious’ impulses) for example, a pattern/habit that I have inherited; let’s say fruitless worrying- it seems that by

2) noticing the urge/pattern as it arises and changing my behavior in response,

I would begin to effectively change/disrupt the ‘set’ habitual story/pattern I que up unconsciously and thus create a new experience for myself/world.

So my real-life experiment looks like this:  I catch myself in my habitual act of fruitless worrying and consciously decide to NOT run this pattern/narrative, choosing to tend to a *new* non-conditioned version of myself. I stop and curate my experience with these questions:

What am I intending? Where am I directing my thoughts? Past? Present? Future? Here or There?

What vibe am I emitting? What is my chemical signature? More toward fear or love? Open or Closed?

I reason that if I can get clarity on my thoughts and emotions, I can choose a new pattern of behavior that will with practice, become the new me.

Re-writing my programming. Telling a new story. Forming new habits…

-and the kicker is I have no exactly no idea how this change will reflect back to me except in kind- if I am open and present, I will be pleasantly surprised.

If I’m closed and not present, it will be a different story altogether.

Balancing Light and Dark: Lessons from the Moon Cycle

29 Mar


A little project of mine since forever.
In the cycle of the moon, it is the First Quarter Moon.
half light half dark
Balanced
Poised…
a choice point.
Tomorrow, I will walk out into my world under a Gibbous Moon, ideally, with a sense of wonder, delight, desire and adventure.
The word commitment is often paired with the1st Quarter Moon and for me it’s becoming a conscious commitment to the practice of ‘getting my heart in the right place’ – opening up and out to the World.

I’m making a deal with myself today, that I will try to pull back on my knee-jerk fears when they come up, and exchange fear for blessing- seeing what is in front of me, the situation, the person, the thing, each event, as it IS. I bless what is; unconditionally.


In theory, this attention will help attend to my shadow, in the moment, as it presents itself. My shadow side doesn’t respond well to the bright light of day, analysis, or reason.


I’m practicing this unconditional self love, figuring that this too is a skill that can be learned. So, the practice. Swap fear for love. And the deal is, it’s just for a lunar week.


And, the picture is Telephoros. An important symbol for this half and half day. He’s Part of my Anam Cara picture- from ages ago. He’s speaking to me again, bringing a soft glow to all the hidden bits.


Link to my post about telephoros: https://janetbalboa.com/2014/09/11/dwarfs-illumination-and-knowing-that-everything-matters/

Transforming Inner Dialogue for Authentic Expression

2 Aug

Work in progress…
Expression.
Say 1) you’re open hearted, ready, in a ‘place’ or state of being where you feel so ready to give- but not sure exactly  what to give…
or conversely,
2) you have an idea of what you must do, but waver on exactly how to go about doing it…

heart open
-OR-
head full of ideas

Either way,  Expression is THE answer; the movement that initiates a new beginning for either of these modern stalemate positions.

…….and this is exactly the post modern, blockage point- our Voice. Our own individual expression. Our song. Our contribution to the expansion of humanity.


It’s also our voice, with a small ‘v’. We’re so tethered by the words we say to ourselves, the words in our heads.

Our hearts and minds are ready…

It’s our own inner voices that need our attention, our kindness, our compassionate listening:
‘Sit still and be quiet.
Who told you you could do that?
Put that down.
Who do you think you are?’

Replacing these old voices with updated expressions that better serve -who I am now- reseeds the ready compost of the past.

Start with the small voices.
Kindness here initiates the eventual blooming of the metaphorical blue lotus of self expression, located precisely at your throat chakra- the meeting ground of heart and head.


Creating Your Future: The Power of Daily Practices

24 May

The only way I have found to get myself unfreaked about the future, is to have a hand in its creation. 
I know I can’t control for the future, I know overthinking is going to kill me. I know worrying is not the answer. So I have practices.


I practice meditating every day. I sleep better. I process this crazy world better. It tips me away from all the fear –  allowing me to find solutions instead of invent problems. I practice for an open mind.


I exercise to stay flexible and feel good in my skin. I practice for a future where flexibility and strength might be needed. 


Then there is my third type of practice; I intentionally set the stage for my craft. I make my art every day, practicing for the days when it doesn’t come easy, when I feel like giving up.


My practices hold space for the reception of my future. It’s in the small, often uncomfortable moments of practice that I meet myself, that I can say with some clarity ‘This is what makes me tick, this is what I’m made of, ‘who I am.’ 


So when the future waltzes in, it may be completely unknown, but I, in myself, am able to greet it with presence and anticipation. The future, like everything else, deserves to be greeted with wonder and curiosity. 

Embracing the Present: Unlocking Your Creative Potential

11 Feb
silly frog/ janet balboa

I’m trying to be open, to be allowing, to be more about showing up experientially instead of intellectually or emotionally. Receiving and responding rather than judging and reacting.

I want to have tessellating, radiating thoughts that fill the world around me with joy, not add to despair. I think this is who I’m supposed to be. The essential me.

How’s that working for me? well? Ups and downs. Lots of days become hard; I get ground down into my past, longing for the ‘comfort’ of the way things were… I focus on experiences already spent; last year’s harvest; historical data… I keep dragging my past into the present moment, perpetuating my personal groundhog day of fear and disconnection. Wtf.

I flat-line; I rot in the stagnant waters of same old same old, I see that I am dying for something new, something real, some experience of being alive, addicted to the habits of my daily life, repeating the same choices, insanely hoping that something really BIG will grab me from the outside and make all the difference…

I ask myself, why I limit my potential, close off new possibilities, keep the magic at bay? I intellectually know better. But what is here, now, is far more subtle than intellect, here I am approaching the Soul. I don’t fully grasp my true creative super power, which is my being itself, me, being present, allows an opening between past and future – the stage upon which the Quantum Music of Life can flow into my divinely individualized consciousness.

I hold the tension between the past and future – I be in the only place I can ever be, here; now. The present moment, my precise location in space/time, the only space or time in which I can ever be located. I get this and I don’t get it. Cognitive dissonance… I know that this is a belief worth having, and I know the the cost is all my old beliefs. And they’re having a bit of a fuss to say the least. So there’s that.

This is what I’m working on. Not art per se, or classes or shows, but expansion of my consciousness. Getting my head wrapped around an understanding; a realization that is so gorgeously, deliciously, tantalizingly brand spanking new to me. This is the Source of those tessellating radiating energies. As old as the ancient of days, but so new to me in the sense that I resonate with it in a way that I never have before. Experientially.

and that’s new.

and that’s exciting.

That shit makes me want to get up in the morning… excited and ready for what will show up. That’s looking forward, not being in the future. That’s being fully grounded here; now, IN MY BODY. I know IT happens in the bodytemple of my localized consciousness. My feet on the ground, participating in my life, working on being present, fully participating in my life.

I want to experience the extraordinary, so I must become open to the extraordinary. I must be present to this moment, willing to expand beyond all that I am and welcome the unknown as the beautiful, mysterious lover who gathers me with wide arms full of comfort and receives my open breaking heart in exchange for the security of grace.

The willingness to experience grace, is the willingness to embrace the unknown, the willingness to create space for the radiance of pure potential to surge thru us with all the unicorn radiant beauty and exuberance of a newly formed universe. This is the power that longs to dance with us. The power of creation. Expression. What will my experience be when I am fully open to this way of experiencing belonging? idk. That’s what makes it scary AND exciting…idk. Yet setting my sails into the wind.